Get Closure

Renada is a motivational speaker and host of the podcast "Starting Today." She is passionate about helping others discover their worth and live their best lives.

In this episode of "Starting Today," Renada discusses the importance of closure and how to achieve it. She defines closure as settling a situation in a way that allows your position to be known and requires peaceable communication, personal accountability, and self-awareness. Renada emphasizes that closure is necessary for moving forward and living as your best self. She shares personal experiences and provides three truths to hold onto when seeking closure. Renada also explores the reasons why closure can be challenging and offers practical ways to practice closure, such as making space, making amends, and making changes.

Key Takeaways:

• Closure allows you to access your blessings and potential.
• Closure brings clarity and finality, enabling you to move forward.
• Closure frees you from carrying burdens and obligations that don't align with your true self.

Transcript

0:00:02 - (Renada): Hey. Hey. Good day. May this be your blessing and your mindset that today was made just for you to discover the goodness of you. And because you are listening to this podcast, because we are sharing in this time and in this space, I just want you to take that in that you are purposely here and heaven designed this day with you in mind so that you get the goodness that you deserve.

0:00:52 - (Renada): Because today holds everything that you need to be the best version of yourself, for yourself, so that you succeed, so that you win. So let's start the day with some love, some self love, some self worth, and self work, because you are worthy of the work that it takes to live as the best version of yourself and so that you begin and end the day with goodness. I am so glad you are here. I want to extend to you the warmest welcome.

0:01:34 - (Renada): I am Renada. And welcome to Starting Today. Let's get into it, because today we are talking about closure. Closure. We're talking about what it is, what it isn't, along with the whys and the hows of getting it and all of this. To answer the question, does closure even matter? Is it necessary? If a situation happened, shouldn't I just move on? Everybody says that. Move on, keep moving forward. Yes. And yes.

0:02:19 - (Renada): Yes, you should move on. Yes, you should keep moving forward. But there is a very important detail that sometimes we overlook, and that's the how of moving forward. How do you move forward so that you don't interrupt your peace and so that you don't stop your purpose from being realized for yourself. And that's what we're talking about today. So I want to give you something before we go too far ahead.

0:02:53 - (Renada): And what I want to give you is a definition of closure that I think really helps to clarify and contextualize. And before last year, it was not the definition that I had of closure, but it has really helped me in moving forward. So let me share. Closure is the settling of any situation in a way that allows your position on the matter to be known in a clear and concrete way. It requires peaceable, communication, along with personal accountability and self awareness.

0:03:41 - (Renada): Those have to be the focus so that nothing is left lingering. No emotions, no unspoken words, no unresolved feelings. Nothing is left lingering. Okay, we got that in mind. So now that we have that definition, let's talk about some truths that we need to hold as we move forward in this conversation. Because closure can be a very touchy subject, right? Because when we talk about closure, we oftentimes have lingering feelings or triggers or trauma that can be associated to certain situations. And when someone's asking you to look back and address those things so that you can walk forward free, sometimes we get really agitated. We can get mad. We can get frustrated or upset like I don't want to go back there, I already buried that, it's dead is done, I don't want to talk about it anymore.

0:04:44 - (Renada): And I understand that. But if you don't have closure, you cannot move forward free. So let's get these truths because these are some gems y'all three Truths to hold. Closure allows you to access your blessings and potential. Closure brings clarity and finality so you can see how to best move forward. And closure frees you from carrying burdens of obligation that don't match your making. Three truths that we are going to hold as we move forward in this conversation because they are very important and it helps us to realize how closure needs to look for us because it will look different for everyone.

0:05:37 - (Renada): And you take these tools and use them, adapt them as you see fit for your situation. But I definitely want to encourage you to get closure and you'll see why as we move forward. And I'm saying move forward, but really we're just digging deep, pulling from within ourselves what we need to move forward free. And recently there were two situations that I encountered as a mom that really helped me to recognize that I was practicing this new understanding. Because I'm telling you all, I just learned this definition of closure last year and so exercising it, perfecting it, applying it, there are tests that come with that, like a test of my resolve.

0:06:43 - (Renada): Am I really working for closure or am I just thinking that I have this new understanding and not living in the understanding? And I don't know about you all, but I used to just think that closure meant the end of a situation. Making sure that a situation came to an end, not necessarily settling a situation in a way that allows my position on the matter to be clear and concrete. Not necessarily operating with peaceable communication or even operating with personal accountability and self awareness so that nothing was left lingering. That was not the understanding that I had before.

0:07:27 - (Renada): But as I've come to really interpret and live in this, like take this and hold it and to operate by it, I am seeing more and more how essential this is and how I have an opportunity to model it for my own kids so that they take away the right understanding for themselves. Because once you get it, y'all is good and it really does free you to move forward. And I am trying to move forward free. And in order to do that, you know how people say at the end of the day, I used to hate that saying, but at the beginning of the day and at the end of the day, the same thing is true, you deserve to move forward free.

0:08:14 - (Renada): It's not just at the end of the day, because if you're just looking at everything at the end of the day, that means there's a whole day that has passed you by and you haven't operated for your own good. Your truest self didn't get to show up in every space. So that's why we have starting today, we're going to start at the beginning and the end of the day. We want these things to be true for us. We want to move forward free.

0:08:44 - (Renada): We need to get closure, and we work towards that in how we communicate and how we're accountable and how we practice self awareness. So I'm going to tell y'all, because this moment, in this moment, I was yes. Yes, Renata. Yes. Me. You did that. You did that. I'm so proud of you. So this was like, maybe three weeks ago. My daughter and I were out. We were spending some time, just she and I, and she wanted her hair braided or her hair styled in a certain way. So we went to the beauty supply store, and as we enter, I have my most minimalistic bag on.

0:09:36 - (Renada): The bag where people ask no questions, right? One, it's comfortable for me, but two, there's a whole history and context of what's happening right now with theft and the assumption of theft. I don't want to be a part of it at all. So most minimalistic bag on, we walk into the hair store, the beauty supply store, and we're greeted, we're welcomed. We know what we're looking for, for the most part. So we're walking around Perusing, and all of a sudden, it feels like private eyes are watching me.

0:10:16 - (Renada): And I look, and there's someone following us. I'm like, oh, okay, well, maybe she's going to ask a question later. I don't want to assume anything. I'm going to just continue moving forward. My daughter and I are talking. I go to touch the hair on a mannequin, and now the lady is in front of me, standing across from us, and she says, don't touch the hair on the mannequins. And I kind of double take because that didn't sound very store ownery welcoming in a way. Like, oh, can you please not touch the hair?

0:10:58 - (Renada): But it's not my store, so I don't have a say over how people provide their customer service. And so I ask a question because questions bring clarity. So I ask a question, and I ask any mannequin, or specifically this one, I cannot touch the hair. And she says, no, please don't touch the hair. Okay? Not my store, not my policy. But I have a choice as to whether or not I want to shop there. So my daughter and I keep it moving.

0:11:38 - (Renada): We're talking, we're having conversation, determining the look, the aesthetic that she's going for, and we're just involved with each other. But I still feel privatized watching me, seeing my every move. So at this point, I can feel myself kind of getting agitated. And I don't know if you all know, but I have not always been where I am now, there was an old me that the Lord has brought me through. And so old me is like, you need to check her.

0:12:14 - (Renada): New me is like, Nah, we don't need to check her. We're just going to keep moving because we have a choice as to whether or not we shop here. Do we want to shop here? So as I'm thinking this think I pull up my phone and I look, okay, what are the other options? Are there other places where we can shop? And if so, what's the distance, the drive time? There are other factors. So I'm looking on my phone.

0:12:41 - (Renada): My daughter is still looking. And so I see the lady again. I feel my body starting to get hot. And so I ask the question, is there a specific reason why you're watching us? Are you at some point going to offer help? Or is there an assumption? And so I feel as though my question is very clear. I am looking for clarity. I didn't raise my voice. I didn't change my tone. It was just a very clear question presented to gain understanding.

0:13:27 - (Renada): The woman takes a moment because there's obviously a language not barrier, but there's a language difference. So I'm assuming that her moment is taken to really understand what I'm saying. And she says, I can help you. Okay, thank you. So we keep looking, and I pick up a bag, and my daughter and I are talking about it. And she said, we have that on a mannequin, so you can see it. That's helpful. Okay. Is it this color?

0:14:02 - (Renada): No, we have it on a mannequin. Okay. And so I feel my daughter starting to, at this point, position her body between myself and the other woman as a way to distract from what was happening. And she says it's okay, mom. I really like this color. We can get it. I'm like, Are you sure? Because we can go and look somewhere else. No, I'm sure. Okay. So we go. We make our purchase. I want to be very quick about the purchase because I realize that this situation has been handled.

0:14:43 - (Renada): I now know I won't shop there again. I presented the question for clarity in a peaceable way, and there is clearly a mode of operation that does not align with how I want to be valued as a customer. So I will never shop there again. And we leave. And as we're in the car, I just take a moment and I breathe, and I'm like, wow, that was really weird. And I did not like the way that that happened, but I'm very proud of myself.

0:15:21 - (Renada): And my daughter says, Mom, I'm very proud of you too, because I could tell that there was a way that it could have gone that would not have been a good way for us. And I said, yeah, you're right, babe. But I'm very proud that I handled it in that way. And that I did not come out of myself to respond with the same energy that somebody else was giving. Right. Other people's energy does not have to be my reality.

0:15:52 - (Renada): And in that moment, I realized, okay, I did that. I was content with how I handled the situation. There were no lingering emotions. I was able to determine a course of action that best aligned with how I see myself, what I know I deserve, and how I need to move forward. That was closure. And I got to go on about my day. I mean, obviously I shared it with my husband when I got home because I was really proud of myself.

0:16:31 - (Renada): There were so many other ways that that could have gone. But most importantly, I did not interpret that to be about me. I did not interpret that to require a mode of operation that was not in alignment with the vision that I have of myself. And that is what is important when we think about closure. Are you operating with other people in alignment with the vision that you have of yourself. And it's really easy to think that we are. And then for a situation to happen, and then you realize, oh, wait, no, that was not what I intended. That wasn't what I wanted to convey. That wasn't how I wanted this to go.

0:17:21 - (Renada): How did I get here? And then instead of saying the things that you need to say, instead of asking the questions that bring clarity, and instead of communicating peaceably, you end up just glazing over the situation, rushing to remedy by just resigning that you don't even need to address it. I'm going to just be quiet. I'm just going to hush. I'm just going to move. I'm just going to get out. I'm just going to be done.

0:17:48 - (Renada): But now you still have all of these lingering feelings and emotions tied to an event, which means you can't move forward free, because there's something holding you. Now you're bound to these emotions. Now you're bound to this person's reaction or words, and you can't move forward free. Closure is not dwelling on a situation or holding a grudge. Closure is not dwelling on a situation. It's not replaying the whole situation and telling it to people over and over and over again, whoever will listen.

0:18:32 - (Renada): You want to rehash the past. You want to make it known what happened and how many years ago it was and what they said and what they did and how you felt. That's not closure. Closure is not dwelling on the past or holding a grudge about it. Closure is not giving up or avoiding a difficult situation or conversation. In that moment, I could have just left the store. We could have walked in. I could have watched her watch us, and we could have just walked out.

0:19:14 - (Renada): We could have. But there is more to gain from being able to ask the questions that bring clarity. There is more to gain by occupying your space, standing in your truth, and doing it in a peaceable way. To help somebody maybe evaluate themselves. Because some people just need you to respond to them with the same energy. It makes them feel validated in their day. But you deserve closure. You deserve to be able to respond to somebody with your own energy, to be steadfast in who you are, to be in alignment with the vision that you have of yourself.

0:19:57 - (Renada): You deserve that. Closure is not about seeking revenge or causing harm. I'm going to give them a piece of my mind. They don't need a piece of your mind. You need all of the pieces of your mind. Because if you give away pieces of your mind, what are you left with? Half a mind, a quarter of a mind? What good does that serve? Don't give away a piece of your mind, but communicate peaceably. We don't have to cause harm.

0:20:32 - (Renada): We don't have to check people, we don't have to go off on people. We don't have to do that. But you have every right to ask the questions that bring clarity and to speak your truth. Before I spoke a truth, I needed a question for clarity. Are you standing here for a specific reason? Are you going to offer help or is there something else? If she would have said there's something else, then I could have said, I'm sorry.

0:21:04 - (Renada): What is that? Do you believe that we're going to steal? Do you believe that somehow your inventory is affected by the presence of people? Would you be more comfortable if we chose not to shop here? Then I could have asked more questions and I could have spoken a truth. I'm sorry. I'm uncomfortable with you watching me. That's a truth that I was allowed to speak. I didn't feel it necessary. I felt it more necessary to get the information, to bring clarity so that I knew how to move forward.

0:21:44 - (Renada): And sometimes that's the most important. It's not causing harm. It's gaining clarity by asking the questions or speaking the truths in a peaceable way. Closure is not about carrying unnecessary burdens or obligations. You don't have to interpret something about yourself based on a situation that involves somebody else. Other people's stuff is about them, not you. So don't take anything untrue based on what people say and do.

0:22:31 - (Renada): I will repeat that every episode, because that has been the most freeing understanding that I have learned. I don't know about y'all, but I used to believe that other people and their stuff had something to do with me. Even if it was just a smidgen, even if it was just a Wincy incy teensy, itsy bitsy piece, some of it had to do with me. And that part I should hold, that part I should carry. No, other people's stuff is about them, not you.

0:23:12 - (Renada): You don't know their whole history. You don't know the backstory, their canon event, as my children would say. You don't know their canon events. You don't know everything that goes into who they are right now in this moment, nor should you try to figure it out. That's a mental burden that you should not have to carry nor hold. You're not infinite. You're not all knowing. You're not omniscient. So you deserve to give people space to be them and space for you to be you, which means you don't have to worry about causing harm.

0:23:50 - (Renada): You don't have to worry about holding on to unnecessary obligations because it's not your job. You don't have to carry the burden of other people's stuff. You deserve to have closure by saying the things that need to be said, asking the questions that need to be asked. You deserve that. Okay, well, it's all said and good, right? When we talk about closure and getting closure, it can be really easy to say these things, but really hard to live these things.

0:24:26 - (Renada): And sometimes the question even becomes, is it necessary? Why can't I just move forward without having to dredge up old things, as some people would say? You're not dredging anything up. You're getting the closure that you need to move forward free. And people get to participate in you getting closure, and equally, they get to not participate. If you would like to get closure about a situation and somebody else doesn't want to facilitate, they don't want to engage. They don't want to even have the conversation.

0:25:12 - (Renada): You don't need their approval to get closure. You don't need their permission. How do we know this? Let me tell you. Closure is a principle that the Lord designed. The living God designed closure for us because he understood that closure frees us to move forward. And you cannot walk forward in purpose and in power if you are bound by burdens and events of your past. You got to close the door. He said, I am the God who closes doors that nobody else can open again.

0:25:54 - (Renada): And you deserve that to have those doors closed. Close the door. Closure. We see that in Isaiah 118 where the Lord says, come now and let us settle this matter. Settling a matter is closure. We don't want anything lingering. We don't want any unspoken understandings, any unrecognized truths. We don't want anything else tied to this situation. We want it to be settled. This is closure. This is the principle of closure.

0:26:36 - (Renada): Then we see it again in Matthew 1815 and 16. So that's two times now. And in Matthew 18, it's essentially instructions from heaven on how you deal with people when they offend you. And it is very important because the Messiah teaches. He says if your brother sins against you, that means if somebody offends you and it makes you feel some kind of way, you're supposed to go and tell them that. Go and tell them between just the two of you.

0:27:14 - (Renada): That means you don't have to call anybody. You don't have to tell anybody else. It's betwixt the two of you go and tell that person that they offended you, that they hurt you, that what they did made you feel undervalued. It made you question your worth. It made you question who you are and the power of your presence or the value of your voice. Go and tell them, and if they hear you, if they listen to you, if they're like, I apologize. That was not my intention.

0:27:50 - (Renada): I truly did not mean for you to get that impression based on what I did or how I communicated. I apologize. If they do that or something similar, then you've won them over. You've gained your brother back. You maintained the relationship you built and blessed the bond that you have. But if they don't listen, then you take one or two other people and you say, hey, I tried to communicate with this person, to share what I was feeling based on the interaction that we had. And I really didn't appreciate it. But I don't want to sit with these feelings too long, because I don't want it to change how I see myself.

0:28:35 - (Renada): I don't want it to change how I see that person. I don't want to create chaos around me. I would like to resolve this with a right mode of thinking and an appropriate resolution. Can you help me? Am I tripping? Did I say something wrong? Did I do this in an inappropriate way? Help me. That's what the one or two others are for. So that you know whether or not how you handled it was right or wrong. Does it need to be an edit somewhere?

0:29:06 - (Renada): When you go back and you take them with you, and you go back and you say, hey, I just want to put it on record. I just want it to be known that this was what I said originally. From the perspective of self awareness and some personal accountability. I recognize that maybe I should have presented it differently, or maybe there's a different approach. I would love to know how we can resolve this. And if they listen, then you're good. Because it is important that every event, every account, every encounter that you have with somebody, where there is offense or where there is harm to your identity or to your person is established with evidence that you tried.

0:29:58 - (Renada): You tried to settle the matter. And that requires more than just one person. The goal is closure. The goal is to settle the situation, to bring right resolve, so that nothing lingers. Because you deserve peace. Peace is power, but you also deserve to move forward free. And if what happened yesterday is hindering you or separating you from recognizing and understanding the fullness of your power and your worth, you're not moving forward free today.

0:30:41 - (Renada): That's why we need closure. And then the last place that the Lord not the last place, but one of the most final, all encompassing, well rounded places where he speaks about closure is Ecclesiastes seven. And I'm telling you all, when I read this, it was like, wow, okay, this is why we have to get closure. Ecclesiastes seven, three, verses eight says, the end of a matter is better than the beginning of it.

0:31:19 - (Renada): The end of a matter, the final resolution, the resolve, the settling of a matter is better than the beginning of a matter. Because at the beginning, there's a lot of stuff that you don't understand. There are some things that have been unspoken, there are some things that haven't been made known, and there's no resolution. We need resolution for closure. Ecclesiastes 721 and this one is a gym that I'm tucking in my pocket, and I'm taking it with me for the rest of 2023 into 2024.

0:31:54 - (Renada): Do not pay attention to every word people say. This is the beginning of offense. I also am going to interpret that as do not pay attention to everything that people do. Why? Because other people's stuff is about them, not me. So I'm not going to take anything untrue based on what people say and do. That doesn't mean I'm going to ignore it or let it go over my head and pretend like it never happened. That's not what it means.

0:32:22 - (Renada): It means I don't have to interpret something to be wrong or faulty with me because of what somebody else chooses to say or do. That's not about me, that's about them. And for me to move forward free, I have to operate for closure. So I get to ask the question and I get to state a truth that's fair. And then Ecclesiastes seven nine, do not be quickly provoked in your spirit, for anger resides in the lapse of fools.

0:33:00 - (Renada): Everything that people say and do doesn't have to resonate with me. That is my prerogative. I can be unfazed, unbothered, unmoved. I will not be quickly provoked. Which means I'm going to conserve my nerves. I need them. I need all of them. Because if I start just letting everybody get on them, now I'm dysregulated, now I'm unbalanced. Now I'm bothered and I'm phased. And it can lead to me acting outside of alignment with the vision I have of myself.

0:33:43 - (Renada): It can lead to me. Now moving outside of where I know I need to be. So I don't have peace. I don't walk in the power of my purpose. Now I'm not able to move forward in freedom. I'm bound, I'm obligated to other people's emotions and energy, and I don't deserve that. I deserve to move forward free. You deserve to move forward free. So why is it so hard for us sometimes to operate for clarity and closure?

0:34:25 - (Renada): Why is it almost like a human instinct to just leave it where it lies and not actually address or deal with it or bury it properly? Could you imagine that? What if we didn't have burials for the dead. What if, when people died, we just left their bodies? We let it leave it where it lies. Could y'all imagine that's super dysfunctional from a health standpoint? So why do we do it for ourselves emotionally? Now we got all of these dead bodies, dead situations that haven't been resolved, they haven't been buried, they haven't been closed.

0:35:14 - (Renada): We didn't say the prayer. We didn't recognize that a situation actually took place. We didn't honor ourselves in it. There's no memorial. So now there's no living in peace, no lip. There's no living in peace because you don't have closure. But could you imagine and we do that for ourselves when we don't operate for closure. And the reasons why we typically don't operate for closure is either because our identity has been harmed in some way, or we're suffering from representation fatigue.

0:35:53 - (Renada): Renata, did you just make those up? I named them, but I did not make them up. Identity harm is what happens. It's a byproduct of anytime you have a situation with somebody and you interpret what they say or do to be about you, and now you have accepted that you hold that misrepresentation or that misunderstanding misinterpretation as a truth about you, oh, I must not be oh, I must not deserve. Oh, I must be deficient or defective in some way.

0:36:29 - (Renada): So now I'm not deserving of the purpose that I was made for. Now I'm not deserving of the power that I was made for. Now I'm not deserving of the good that I was made for. So essentially, you are out of alignment with what the Lord has already positioned you for purposed you for, provided for you. Now you're out of alignment with that. So you're not walking and operating in what he's called you to do.

0:36:55 - (Renada): You're not walking and operating in the fullness of your potential because you gave somebody else your power. You said, oh, actually, my power lies with this person's opinions, words, or actions. So because that wasn't what happened, I must not be deserving. Oh, no, we cannot give people the power to determine the good we deserve. We cannot give people the power to decide what we deserve for our purpose.

0:37:30 - (Renada): You get to decide that for yourself. So when you are out of alignment with your power, with your purpose or your potential, you have experienced identity harm, my friend. And how do we know that? The Lord says, no. No to identity harm. We know this because in Ephesians four, he says to put off your old self, which belongs to the former manner of life, and it's corrupt through deceitful, desires be renewed in your minds, put on the new self created after the likeness of God.

0:38:12 - (Renada): You were made for power, for good and for purpose, to live in the fullness of your potential. That is what you were made for. So anytime your old self is telling you what you don't deserve. What you're not worthy of. You haven't put on the new self. You haven't been renewed in your mind. You are still suffering from identity harm. So the real you, the you that's supposed to shine through, is not being reflected in how you're moving and how you're thinking and how you're speaking.

0:38:47 - (Renada): And we're also told in two Corinthians 517, if you are in Christ, you are a new creation. The old things have passed away. Behold, all things are made new. Every day that you are getting closure, every day that you are dealing and communicating peaceably with self awareness and accountability so that nothing is left lingering and you are settling situations, you are putting off the old self. You are saying, no, I'm dealing with this foreclosure and clarity so that I get to move forward free.

0:39:22 - (Renada): And that is important. That is important. Identity harm will keep us bound to a version of ourselves that is out of alignment with who we were made to be, with the power, the potential, and the purpose that we deserve to have. And it will keep us stuck comparing ourselves to other people, diminishing our gifts and talents, denying our worth, and not meeting our needs for the goodness that we deserve.

0:39:59 - (Renada): You got to get closure somewhere if you are suffering from identity harm, representation fatigue, that's when you're so tired of having to say your boundaries, you're so tired of having to show up and prove to people that you are who you say you are, you're just over it. I'm so over this person. If I never saw them again, if I never had to speak to them again, no wet off my back. But why? Because if you feel like you're done and you've spoken enough, then maybe somewhere you need to change how your boundaries look.

0:40:53 - (Renada): Maybe somewhere you need to get closure, because you could be doing too much speaking where you should be doing more showing, show that you mean what you say about what you will and will not accept. And it doesn't mean in a violent way, in a way that causes chaos, in a way that creates harm for someone else or is demanding. Not like that in a peaceable way, because we are told not to have representation fatigue.

0:41:33 - (Renada): We're told three different times in Galatians six, nine. Galatians Six Nine says, do not grow weary of doing good, because in due season, you will reap your harvest if you don't give up. What does harvest look like? Harvest can look like people beginning to recognize and honor your boundaries. And sometimes we can misinterpret it. People start falling away. People stop calling. People stop texting. People stop showing up.

0:42:04 - (Renada): And you're like, Wait, what did I do? Let me reach out. No, maybe you don't need to reach out. Maybe that's their way of saying, I can't fully acknowledge this boundary, but I recognize that it is there, and I want to respond with my actions so because I know that I am not the best respecter of boundaries, I'm just disappear and that's okay. Sometimes it looks like conversations need to take a different turn.

0:42:38 - (Renada): Sometimes it looks like people will start asking more questions because in their mind they're really trying to clarify who you are and how they had it wrong the whole time. So they need to gain an understanding. And the only way to do that is to ask you questions. So don't grow weary. Don't get representation fatigue. You are who you are supposed to be so that you can make an impact. So the true you shines through.

0:43:11 - (Renada): Matthew 1129 and 30 says if we are feeling fatigued, we're supposed to take up the yoke of the Lord, to be gentle with ourselves so that we find rest to lighten our load by not carrying the burdens of what people say and do when interpreting them to be about us. Don't get representation fatigue. Get closure. Have the conversations, ask the questions, say the things that you know you need to say for clarity.

0:43:53 - (Renada): So I know that that's a lot, y'all. I know it's a lot. So let's take a moment, let's breathe. We made it this far. This is a difficult subject and it's an even more challenging thing to try to do without the tools and the resources. Because a lot of times we misinterpret what closure looks like and we get it wrong. But you deserve to have closure. So let's sit with these truths. We've gone over a lot to know and hold and I don't want you to feel overwhelmed.

0:44:43 - (Renada): This is not overwhelming, it's just different. It will feel different to practice, but it will be such a blessing to live with and in because you deserve to move forward free and you can only do that by getting closure. So how do we fix it? How do we get closure? How do you know if you've gotten closure? This is a real quick indicator as to whether or not you've been living to get closure if you're moving forward free.

0:45:33 - (Renada): So stop for a moment and let me ask you, is there any person or situation that stirs up emotion or a physical response when it comes to mind? That physical response could look like getting hot, feeling tense, you start to grit your teeth, or you ball up your fists, or your neck starts to feel tense, or you got to crack it, or you start to get a headache? Is there an event or a person that when you think about it, you instantaneously get angry or start to feel shameful or disappointed or sad?

0:46:37 - (Renada): If you can answer yes to any of those, then you don't have closure somewhere. Because if you have closure, you will not be left with any lingering emotions, feelings or unspoken words. I'm going to let you sit with that because if this is true, then your lack of closure is keeping you from accessing your peace and power to the fullest. And you deserve that. And getting closure requires that we make space for ourselves to process every situation we encounter in Truth by practicing self awareness and accountability and then making changes that build a bridge for us so that we are living as our truest selves.

0:47:51 - (Renada): So how do we get closure? I'm going to give you three ways to practice getting closure. One is make space. Make space. This is where you give yourself permission to put yourself in the center of the situation that you're experiencing. You at the center of your story. What does that mean? That means you recognize and reconcile. This is your opportunity. You name your feelings. When this happened, I felt this way and I didn't like how that felt.

0:48:29 - (Renada): Name your feelings and identify the impact that it had. This left me feeling like I really didn't deserve to have healthy relationships, like there was something wrong with me. So I had to settle for whatever I could get. Understand how that event affected you because that understanding allows you to be present and then to start your healing journey to access the resources that you need to heal. Do we need to get to the root of some thoughts and feelings?

0:49:03 - (Renada): Do we need to go back and address some dysfunction that we thought was functioning? Just because you saw it growing up, just because you accepted it as a reality, doesn't mean that it had to be. And remember that other people don't have to participate or give you permission to get closure. So if it's something from your childhood, simply saying, you know, I always thought that talking to or being spoken to in this way was fine because we were family, but as an adult or in the space that I am now, I realize that it's unhealthy and it removes me from my identity. So I no longer want to participate in it.

0:49:50 - (Renada): That's closure. And then don't participate in it. Don't accept it. Leave conversations when it starts to happen. Remove yourself from those environments because making space for yourself allows you the room to grow. And if you don't give yourself space and permission to have your feelings and then to get to the root of them and process them fully, it will keep you stuck in an event or prevent you from getting to a resolution.

0:50:29 - (Renada): And for some people, it looks like solitude. For other people, it's sitting in silence or emoting in a place where you feel safe. Having your emotions and processing and working through them and asking, am I tripping? Was there a different way that I should have handled this? Should I have gone about it differently? Do I need to resay something with a safe person in a safe space? That's making space for yourself because it helps you to locate and find where you are.

0:51:03 - (Renada): This is where I'm at in this situation. And remember that's part of closure, settling a situation so that your position on the matter is made clear and concrete. It also helps other people to gauge and identify how they can support you or where they need to step back. That is also important, and the Lord talks about that in Matthew chapter five, verses 23 through 25. I will let you go and read that and then come back and tell me, what did you think?

0:51:43 - (Renada): What did you take away? The second way you can practice getting closure is making amends. This means that you need to get clarity and have some conversations. And this is the place that requires the most accountability and self awareness, because this is where you say, okay, well, maybe how I acted, maybe how I was speaking, maybe how I was engaging gave the impression that I was willing to accept that thing.

0:52:18 - (Renada): And if you've allowed yourself space to self truth from making space and locating yourself, you've given yourself permission to go through the process of recognizing your feels and your emotions. It helps you to better have the conversation because now you know where you are and where you want to be. So you know the questions or you know the boundaries, the statements of truth that you need to say in conversation to get to where you want to be.

0:52:48 - (Renada): If I'm dealing with hurt in my marriage and I've located myself and I'm saying, what is at the root of this? Maybe it's feeling unappreciated. Now I get to have the conversation that says, hey, honey, husband, wife, spouse, partner, when you do this thing or when this event happened, I felt as though I was not able to show up as my best self because my contribution was being undervalued. And I'm finding that it's difficult to stand in the fullness of my worth and even want to continue doing this thing because it doesn't seem appreciated.

0:53:35 - (Renada): Can you help me to recognize how we can communicate better so that this doesn't happen again? Can you help me to understand if you're interpreting my actions in the same way that I'm meaning for them to come across? Because I think there may be a disconnect. That conversation opens up the door for new perspectives and new understandings and for an opportunity to collaborate so that this situation doesn't become a lingering thing in the marriage or a source of emotion or emotional hurt that we hold and then misinterpret and misidentify ourselves.

0:54:26 - (Renada): For some people, it will require an apology or saying that you apologize, you forgive. Because new boundaries, in order for new boundaries to exist, forgiveness has to take place. You have to forgive yourself. You have to forgive somebody else and release yourself to move forward. The only way that you can establish a boundary is if you intend on moving forward, because your boundaries are for you. If you make your boundaries for other people, they confine you.

0:54:55 - (Renada): So your boundaries are for you. And you don't want people to get the wrong impression of what you're willing to accept or to start taking offense from everything. Remember, do not be easily provoked. Remember, what other people say is about them. What other people do is about them. So we're not going to hold on to the offenses, but we do have an opportunity to ask the questions, to bring clarity. And we do have the opportunity to share statements of truth, peaceably.

0:55:30 - (Renada): And we see that in Isaiah 118 when the Lord says, come, let's settle this matter that's making amends. And then we make changes. And this is your chance to fully implement your boundaries. Make adjustments. Change your routines. Change your pattern of thinking. Change your habits. Change your friend group, join a support group. Start working out. Start eating different. Start going to sleep different.

0:55:58 - (Renada): Create a sleep hygiene routine. Practice mindfulness, start meditating, start walking. Whatever you need to do to change your routine that allows you to serve as your best self or to meet your needs so that you can walk in clarity. That is what you have to do. Because when you make amends and you don't make changes, you don't have closure. Change is the tangible way that we help our brain and our body and the people who interact with us realize the difference in the internal and external versions of ourself, where we align with the purpose, the potential and the power that we were made to have and hold.

0:56:50 - (Renada): Change is the only way to do that. And change looks different for each of us, but it all comes from the same motivation, the same place, and that's to redirect, to change our environment, to redirect our energy and our efforts in a way that reflects the desire that we have for our best self. So that our true self, the true you shines through when you make changes that align with the vision of who you were made to be. When you let go of the identity harm, when you let go of the representation fatigue, when you fully realize and recognize that closure allows you to access your blessings and your potential for your best self.

0:57:41 - (Renada): Closure allows you to move forward free. Closure allows you to not hold on to any burdens or obligations. When you have fully recognized that through the changes that you've made, you're unstoppable because you're owning your power. You're saying, I have the power to decide. Nobody else gets to decide what I deserve. Nobody else gets to determine the good that I am worthy of. Without closure, we are not able to access the blessings and to live as who we've been made to be.

0:58:22 - (Renada): Are there any places that you need closure? If there are, I would encourage you to practice making space for yourself. I would encourage you to practice making amends, having some conversations, practicing some self awareness, and some personal accountability. I would encourage you to ask questions for clarity to communicate peaceably and make the changes that you need to make so that you can get the closure that you need to move forward free.

0:59:07 - (Renada): I am so proud of you for making it through this conversation. I know it was a long one, and I know it's a challenging one, but you deserve it. You deserve to live in the power, the purpose, and the potential of who you have been made to be. So I want to encourage you to make your moments matter today. Give yourself the goodness that you deserve to live in the light of truth. Don't forget to take into tomorrow the lessons of today. Y'all be gracious with yourself, be patient, and be loving to yourself.

0:59:53 - (Renada): You got this. It's different. It is different, but you can do it. May the peace of Yah be yours so that as you work to get closure in those areas that you have identified, you recognize your power. You feel so equipped for your purpose, and you stand fully in your potential. We'll talk soon. Y'all be blessed. Bye.