Just Say No

In this episode Renada discusses the importance of learning to say no and setting boundaries. She  emphasizes three truths: you always have another option, you can pivot and make edits, and your word is your power.  She encourages listeners to redefine their how and why, shift from a guilt mindset to a self-care mindset, and be authentic in their interactions. Renada reminds listeners that saying no is an act of self-respect and allows them to preserve their energy and resources. She encourages listeners to locate themselves, be true to their feelings and needs, and show up for themselves. Renada  concludes by reminding listeners to be patient, loving, and focused on their own well-being.

Transcript

0:00:18 - (Renada): Good day. May this be your blessing and your.

0:00:23 - (Renada): Mindset in knowing and recognizing that today.

0:00:26 - (Renada): Was made just for you, with you in mind.

0:00:32 - (Renada): This day was designed. So take that in for a moment.

0:00:36 - (Renada): Let it settle. Let it bring a smile to your face. Let it lighten your spirit.

0:00:40 - (Renada): Let it lift your heart.

0:00:43 - (Renada): Because heaven designed this day with you.

0:00:46 - (Renada): In mind and you are exactly where you are supposed to be so that.

0:00:53 - (Renada): You can get everything you need to.

0:00:57 - (Renada): Be the best version of yourself.

0:00:58 - (Renada): In this day, you already have it.

0:01:02 - (Renada): So let's start the day with some.

0:01:04 - (Renada): Self love, some self worth, and some self work.

0:01:10 - (Renada): Because you are worth it.

0:01:12 - (Renada): You deserve to make space for yourself.

0:01:15 - (Renada): To give yourself what you need, and.

0:01:17 - (Renada): To show up for yourself.

0:01:21 - (Renada): So that.

0:01:22 - (Renada): You begin and end this day with.

0:01:25 - (Renada): The goodness that you deserve.

0:01:28 - (Renada): I'm Renata.

0:01:30 - (Renada): I want to say welcome.

0:01:31 - (Renada): I'm so glad you're here and that we get to share this time together.

0:01:36 - (Renada): So let's get into it because I.

0:01:39 - (Renada): Know from the title you were like, oh, okay, what is this going to be about? But it is literally what the title says.

0:01:44 - (Renada): We are learning to just say, no. No, absolutely not.

0:01:54 - (Renada): No, thank you. Not today.

0:01:57 - (Renada): Unfortunately, I'm going to have to pass.

0:01:59 - (Renada): However you want to phrase it, as.

0:02:02 - (Renada): Long as the understanding that comes across.

0:02:05 - (Renada): Is, no, you're good.

0:02:09 - (Renada): And that's what we're talking about today.

0:02:11 - (Renada): So let's get into it.

0:02:14 - (Renada): How do you get to the space.

0:02:16 - (Renada): Where you give yourself permission to no.

0:02:21 - (Renada): Longer do what doesn't align with what.

0:02:26 - (Renada): You know and believe is best for yourself?

0:02:30 - (A): How do you do that?

0:02:33 - (Renada): Because really what we're talking about is.

0:02:38 - (Renada): Getting to the space where we practice.

0:02:40 - (Renada): Honoring ourselves, honoring the truth we hold and the values that we have. Because your truth and your values are aligned, what you believe is true becomes.

0:02:57 - (Renada): The value that you use in giving.

0:03:01 - (Renada): And granting people permission to access you. Your space, your energy, your resources.

0:03:08 - (Renada): That all comes from the truth that.

0:03:12 - (Renada): You hold and the values that you have. So let's talk about three truths that we want to have and hold as we move through this very special conversation.

0:03:26 - (Renada): Because I can remember and I can.

0:03:30 - (Renada): Only speak for me, but growing up.

0:03:34 - (Renada): No was not always given freely.

0:03:41 - (Renada): There was typically some kind of obligation or an implied or sometimes fully expressed expectation for you to say yes to other people's requests. Somewhere along the way, from childhood to adulting, we lose the freedom of the.

0:04:01 - (A): No.

0:04:05 - (Renada): And it is so freeing to get it back. Truth number one is that you always have another option.

0:04:15 - (Renada): You are not confined to other people's.

0:04:17 - (Renada): Desires, demands, or dictations.

0:04:21 - (Renada): You are no one's slave, so you.

0:04:24 - (Renada): Always have another option. This requires that you see things for.

0:04:31 - (Renada): What they are without idealizing or assuming.

0:04:38 - (Renada): Idealizing people in other situations.

0:04:43 - (Renada): Can typically create a burden of obligation for us.

0:04:49 - (Renada): We feel it necessary to say yes so that we can help foster this idealistic image of what this thing can become.

0:04:57 - (Renada): No. There are times when the reality of something is just what it is.

0:05:08 - (Renada): It cannot be improved, it cannot be changed, because you can only control yourself.

0:05:15 - (Renada): So when the reality doesn't match the idea and you need to remove yourself.

0:05:23 - (Renada): You need to stop giving it energy, you need to stop giving it attention.

0:05:29 - (Renada): A simple no.

0:05:33 - (A): Is key.

0:05:38 - (Renada): It comes down to a simple phrase that the first time I said my husband was like, what did you just say?

0:05:45 - (Renada): And I repeated it.

0:05:46 - (Renada): And it is what I have lived by ever since. Because I am a firm believer that.

0:05:50 - (Renada): The equal and opposite of anything that.

0:05:53 - (Renada): You say is also true. And so these two truths can both.

0:05:59 - (Renada): Exist and you can pursue one while acknowledging the other.

0:06:05 - (Renada): It is what it is.

0:06:08 - (Renada): We say, that right, that is true.

0:06:10 - (Renada): It is what it is.

0:06:12 - (Renada): When I'm looking at this situation, it.

0:06:14 - (Renada): Is what it is. But then the opposite is also true.

0:06:18 - (Renada): It isn't what it isn't. And you can't force it to be something else. If a person isn't what they aren't, then they just aren't that thing right now. And it's okay to let them go, to grow. Sometimes we want to hold on so tight to the idea or the ideal.

0:06:39 - (Renada): Of something that we suffocate all of.

0:06:43 - (Renada): The opportunity for it to grow, when.

0:06:45 - (Renada): Really we just need to let it go. Let it go, let it go and.

0:06:49 - (Renada): Be what it needs to be, to.

0:06:50 - (Renada): Grow into what it can be.

0:06:53 - (A): To bless you.

0:06:55 - (Renada): So that's truth number one.

0:06:59 - (Renada): You always have another option. And it's okay to say what doesn't.

0:07:03 - (Renada): Work for you and then move on to what does.

0:07:07 - (Renada): Truth number two you can pivot and make edits.

0:07:12 - (Renada): You are not cemented to any one circumstance.

0:07:18 - (Renada): You are not confined or bound by.

0:07:23 - (Renada): Any one course of action.

0:07:24 - (Renada): When something isn't working for you and.

0:07:27 - (Renada): You'Ve acknowledged it and you've moved on, that means you're pivoting, you're changing direction.

0:07:32 - (Renada): You're turning in the way that best.

0:07:37 - (Renada): Fits your motivation and your understanding, your abilities and your capacities. And you're laying aside what doesn't. Making edits. I need to trim here, I need to cut here, I need to remove this piece altogether.

0:07:48 - (Renada): I need to tighten up here. That's how you know where your boundaries are.

0:07:56 - (Renada): And it is important because your journey.

0:08:00 - (Renada): And path don't exist in a no turn zone.

0:08:04 - (Renada): You can change course as you need to. You can always pivot.

0:08:08 - (Renada): You get to decide when something isn't working for you.

0:08:13 - (Renada): It's not what somebody else gets to dictate to you. It's not somebody else's power, it's your power. And it requires you to be in tune with yourself, to know when something.

0:08:26 - (Renada): Isn'T working for you, and then to.

0:08:30 - (Renada): Take that understanding and make adjustments and edits, create boundaries.

0:08:36 - (Renada): So that the hows and the whys of it.

0:08:40 - (Renada): Serve your best interest and meet your needs. Because if you're not actively working to meet your needs and to serve in your own best interest, nobody else is.

0:08:51 - (Renada): Going to do that for you.

0:08:52 - (Renada): That's your responsibility. Each of us are responsible for learning to meet our needs and honor ourselves.

0:09:01 - (Renada): Truth number three your word is your power.

0:09:08 - (Renada): That one.

0:09:09 - (Renada): When I learned that it was eye opening, it really was.

0:09:16 - (Renada): Because I had never really thought about the fact that when you give your.

0:09:20 - (Renada): Word, you are committing to the use.

0:09:23 - (Renada): And the release of your energy and your resources and your time in order to either facilitate and help somebody else.

0:09:32 - (Renada): Bring something to life or to facilitate.

0:09:35 - (Renada): And bring something to life for yourself.

0:09:40 - (Renada): And it means that what you are.

0:09:42 - (Renada): Intending, you are using your effort towards.

0:09:46 - (Renada): You are using your energy towards, and that's not something that should be given away freely. When you understand that your word is your power, you will be more intentional.

0:09:59 - (Renada): About saying no, because your no means.

0:10:03 - (Renada): I understand where I need to conserve.

0:10:05 - (Renada): And use my energy and my efforts, and I understand where I have to.

0:10:11 - (Renada): Be intentional about what I'm helping to bring to life.

0:10:16 - (Renada): So sometimes saying no helps other people.

0:10:19 - (Renada): To recognize and locate you and say.

0:10:22 - (Renada): Oh, they're not going to go for that.

0:10:25 - (Renada): Oh, no, they won't ride this train with me. They won't attend this pity party. They won't come to this chaos storm.

0:10:32 - (Renada): They don't want to sit in my confusion chamber because we don't nobody has time for that.

0:10:40 - (Renada): You get to say no.

0:10:42 - (Renada): Your word is your power. So now that we have those three truths.

0:10:51 - (Renada): Why don't we just take a.

0:10:53 - (Renada): Moment and say it out loud?

0:10:56 - (Renada): Just say no.

0:11:00 - (Renada): That doesn't align with what I desire. That doesn't fit my vision.

0:11:08 - (Renada): I cannot give energy to that no.

0:11:15 - (A): Wasn't that nice?

0:11:16 - (Renada): And it's so low pressure. I'm not giving a bunch of extra words. I'm setting a boundary. I'm saying no. I'm enforcing it with a clarifying statement so that you don't have to leave people in confusion. There's no confusion.

0:11:31 - (Renada): If I say, I can't give energy and time to that no, thank you. That doesn't align with my vision. I don't desire to do that. Well, what do you mean? I don't desire to do that. And if you have to repeat it.

0:11:47 - (Renada): A couple of times, that's fine.

0:11:49 - (Renada): Or you can just flat out say no.

0:11:53 - (Renada): And so how do we know that we have this right?

0:11:57 - (Renada): Well, we know we have this right.

0:11:58 - (Renada): Because we're given this right in Scripture.

0:12:00 - (Renada): Several times and in several ways. The first one is Ecclesiastes five two. And Ecclesiastes tells us, do not be.

0:12:12 - (Renada): Quick with your mouth.

0:12:13 - (Renada): That means be intentional about what you're.

0:12:16 - (Renada): Saying and do not be hasty in.

0:12:20 - (Renada): Your heart to utter anything before god because we recognize that our word is our power. So we're not being quick to say anything.

0:12:28 - (Renada): We're recognizing that our word is our power. So we're going to conserve power.

0:12:35 - (Renada): Do not scatter your energy. Do not scatter your power.

0:12:39 - (Renada): You conserve it.

0:12:41 - (Renada): You treasure it. And that's why you say no to.

0:12:44 - (Renada): What doesn't align, what doesn't fit, what.

0:12:48 - (Renada): Doesn'T reflect your intention for yourself. If it doesn't help you to meet.

0:12:53 - (Renada): Your needs, say no.

0:12:57 - (Renada): You have that right. You absolutely have that right.

0:13:06 - (Renada): The second time that we are given.

0:13:08 - (Renada): This permission to say no is in James One. And we are told that everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak.

0:13:19 - (Renada): And slow to become angry. When we are choosing to be slow to speak, that means we are recognizing that we have the power to say no.

0:13:29 - (Renada): We have the power to say no.

0:13:32 - (Renada): To the things that do not align with what we desire for ourselves. And that is an important power that you give yourself.

0:13:42 - (Renada): It is so critical because when you.

0:13:45 - (Renada): Are growing in self awareness, when you're practicing self advocacy and you are choosing.

0:13:52 - (Renada): To be compassionate with where you are.

0:13:56 - (Renada): And what you're looking to do and build for you, it becomes much, much easier to say no to the things that don't fit the vision that you hold for yourself.

0:14:06 - (Renada): And that's key.

0:14:10 - (Renada): The last thing that we are reminded of in Matthew 527 is to let our yes be yes and our no be no.

0:14:21 - (Renada): You don't have to give lengthy explanations to people. You don't have to validate and justify.

0:14:27 - (Renada): The fact that you are learning to.

0:14:29 - (Renada): Love you and to meet your needs. You don't have to prove anything to anybody.

0:14:37 - (Renada): But you are required to love yourself.

0:14:40 - (Renada): And then to love other people the.

0:14:42 - (Renada): Way that you love yourself.

0:14:44 - (Renada): So if you are practicing coming to the place of just saying no, when you get a no in return, it shouldn't make you angry, it shouldn't make you bothered. It shouldn't frustrate you or confuse you. You should recognize from that place of.

0:14:59 - (Renada): Empathy that I have the right to.

0:15:03 - (Renada): Say no to what doesn't align with where I am and what meets my needs in the same way that other.

0:15:09 - (Renada): People also have the right to exercise saying no. And then it becomes simple. It doesn't require all of the extra.

0:15:20 - (Renada): Words, all of the validation, all of the justification.

0:15:25 - (Renada): It's a simple no.

0:15:27 - (Renada): My yes is yes, and my no is no because I recognize and understand.

0:15:31 - (Renada): That my word is my power. So about a year ago, I had started this class. It was called power up yoga.

0:15:45 - (Renada): And it was with this amazing woman. I cannot remember her name. I've tried to look her up a few times because we've moved since then.

0:15:53 - (Renada): And it was called Power Up Yoga.

0:15:57 - (Renada): And it was yoga that was done to really upbeat movements, and we moved through the positions really quickly, and we did weightlifting. It was a very dope class. It was integrated and interactive.

0:16:11 - (Renada): And I always left there feeling amazing.

0:16:14 - (Renada): But also sweating profusely. And I think that was the draw for me because it challenged me past.

0:16:20 - (Renada): Places physically that I thought yoga took you to just from watching.

0:16:29 - (Renada): It usually practiced in a very slow, flowy way. This was still flowy, but it was fast and it was pretty neat.

0:16:36 - (Renada): But the one thing that I took.

0:16:38 - (Renada): Away from one class was so every.

0:16:42 - (Renada): Class we ended in this pose.

0:16:45 - (Renada): I think it was called child's pose.

0:16:48 - (Renada): It was either called child's pose or something like that.

0:16:51 - (Renada): But we were lying on our backs.

0:16:54 - (Renada): And you would curl your legs into yourself and then you would relax them and just rest and kind of settle in the moment of what you had just done and the goodness that you had given yourself by showing up to.

0:17:06 - (Renada): Meet your needs physically.

0:17:09 - (Renada): And I remember as the instructor was walking around, and this woman was fit.

0:17:15 - (Renada): Y'All, fit, like fit and fine.

0:17:19 - (Renada): And she was 70 something years old.

0:17:21 - (Renada): She was super flexible.

0:17:23 - (Renada): I digress.

0:17:24 - (Renada): But she was in an inspiration, an entire inspiration.

0:17:28 - (Renada): She said, don't scatter your energy. Breathe, take it slow, recognize all that.

0:17:38 - (A): You'Ve done.

0:17:41 - (Renada): And only do what you can.

0:17:44 - (Renada): Don't scatter your energy. And when I tell you all that that has stayed with me since that moment, it literally has stayed with me.

0:17:54 - (Renada): It became the basis for which I set my priorities.

0:18:00 - (Renada): It became the focal point for how I locate myself. And when I say locate myself, locating.

0:18:07 - (Renada): Yourself just simply means being in tune.

0:18:10 - (Renada): With yourself, to be honest about where you are transparent about what you're feeling.

0:18:17 - (Renada): And then actionable to meet your need in that way. So when we were moving, one of the issues that arose for me personally was trying to adapt to a different environment.

0:18:34 - (Renada): The change threw off my daily routine. It required more communication between myself and my kids and mom and stepdad. It was an entire situation.

0:18:50 - (Renada): And so getting to that space of.

0:18:55 - (Renada): Locating myself meant, okay, I am in this new environment, I am feeling a bit flustered.

0:19:03 - (Renada): How can I restructure and reorient my day so that I don't walk around with frazzled, frenzied energy every day? So that I'm not angry, so that I'm not being hostile, so that I am allowing the natural progression of change.

0:19:25 - (Renada): To take place in a way that.

0:19:28 - (Renada): Helps me to grow? And I had to make some changes. It meant getting up earlier. It meant spending more time stretching and meditating. It meant learning how to insert breaks.

0:19:45 - (Renada): And to go outside more so that I had that space to really navigate the change that was happening and do.

0:19:53 - (Renada): It with grace and patience.

0:19:57 - (Renada): So locating yourself is a really important.

0:20:00 - (Renada): Way that you just get to stay.

0:20:02 - (Renada): In tune with where you are, because you understand that what doesn't align shouldn't get your attention. What doesn't align with the vision that you have of yourself and how you.

0:20:13 - (Renada): Need to meet your needs should not.

0:20:15 - (Renada): Be a focal point in your day.

0:20:18 - (Renada): That's why it's important to remember that.

0:20:23 - (Renada): Your word is your power, that you.

0:20:24 - (Renada): Get to pivot and make edits, and.

0:20:27 - (Renada): Most importantly, that you always have another option. There is nothing that is so cemented in time and in space that you cannot change it. By redirecting your resources, your time and your energy, you get to make that choice for you. Nobody else gets to decide what works for you.

0:20:49 - (Renada): Her words freed me because it really.

0:20:54 - (Renada): Did keep me from neglecting myself. And it helped me to become more intentional intending to the things that I.

0:21:02 - (Renada): Needed to do for me.

0:21:04 - (Renada): And then it gave me permission to.

0:21:07 - (Renada): Let my children do what they needed.

0:21:09 - (Renada): To do for themselves as I tended.

0:21:13 - (Renada): To doing what I needed to do. So no longer was I responsible for everybody's doing. No longer was I the brains of the operation, no longer was I Commander.

0:21:25 - (Renada): In Chief of day and time. No. Everybody knows what they need.

0:21:32 - (Renada): Everybody understands at this point how to locate themselves and to vocalize that, that's another important part. When you're in a family situation or.

0:21:41 - (Renada): In a group setting, yes, it's important.

0:21:44 - (Renada): For you to locate yourself, but it's also very important for you to communicate that. So, hey, I need to step back and take a moment for myself. Hey, I'm going to go take a bath. I would like to not be disturbed. Hey, I'm going for a walk. I'd like to be by myself. Or when you do want other people in your space, when you do want to share time and be connected in that way, because it's how you're going.

0:22:10 - (Renada): To meet your needs that's important.

0:22:16 - (Renada): And I learned in that space that.

0:22:18 - (Renada): There is a huge difference between facilitating and enabling. If I don't ever learn to just.

0:22:26 - (Renada): Say no, I cross the line from.

0:22:31 - (Renada): Facilitating other people's dreams and goals to.

0:22:35 - (Renada): Now becoming directly connected to the success.

0:22:40 - (Renada): Of that thing and enabling. And I don't want to be an enabler. I don't want my children to grow up thinking that their success hinges on other people's involvement, because it doesn't. There are sometimes and some things that.

0:22:52 - (Renada): You just have to do for you by yourself.

0:22:56 - (Renada): And you should have the ability, you should have the awareness, the understanding and the confidence in your competence to just walk that out. And my no is what frees you.

0:23:09 - (Renada): To walk in that power, because I'm just facilitating.

0:23:15 - (Renada): I'm no longer enabling them.

0:23:20 - (Renada): So how do we shift from the.

0:23:28 - (Renada): Thinking that I should say yes where I can say yes? Should you?

0:23:34 - (Renada): Sure. Do you need to?

0:23:36 - (A): No. So how do we do that?

0:23:40 - (Renada): Because your no is powerful.

0:23:42 - (Renada): It's just as powerful as your yes.

0:23:46 - (Renada): Well, the first thing that you have.

0:23:48 - (Renada): To do is redefine your how and your why.

0:23:55 - (Renada): How are you going to say no? And why are you saying no? Because this keeps you from having any lingering feelings around saying no. If you know exactly why you're doing.

0:24:06 - (Renada): It, it becomes easier to do it.

0:24:11 - (Renada): So when you reflect on your current approach to saying no, do you find that it typically requires more justification than.

0:24:21 - (Renada): What you're comfortable with? Do people usually understand why you're saying no when they receive it and then they can just move on?

0:24:28 - (Renada): Or does it often leave a space.

0:24:32 - (Renada): That has to be filled by words.

0:24:34 - (Renada): Explanation, additional time spent?

0:24:38 - (Renada): That's important.

0:24:41 - (Renada): Because you have to make sure that the space that you're saying no from isn't just because you can, but it's because it's coming from a place of self compassion and self acceptance. The compassion that I have for myself compels me to locate myself and meet my needs. So I am telling you no because.

0:25:05 - (Renada): Whatever you're asking me to do does.

0:25:08 - (Renada): Not align with my values, the truth.

0:25:11 - (Renada): That I hold, or the way that.

0:25:13 - (Renada): I would like to meet my needs and use my time, my energy and my resources. I'm doing this because self acceptance means I have to acknowledge what is and is not my responsibility. So I'm saying no because this is not my responsibility to do it's nothing personal. I just am making a more intentional and committed effort to honor my own boundaries and values.

0:25:44 - (Renada): And if somebody is upset because you.

0:25:47 - (Renada): Said you want to honor your boundaries.

0:25:49 - (Renada): And values, look, that is a them.

0:25:54 - (Renada): Thing and not a you thing. So one of the things that in this season I am stressing to my.

0:26:00 - (Renada): Children because it took me adult years to learn is that other people's stuff is about them, not you.

0:26:09 - (Renada): Other people's stuff is about them, not you.

0:26:12 - (Renada): So don't ever take anything untrue from what people say and do. It is really easy to get in.

0:26:21 - (Renada): The habit of taking everything personal. Is some of it personal?

0:26:25 - (Renada): Yes.

0:26:26 - (Renada): And even if it is personal, it's still a reflection of that person where they are. They need to locate themselves. You are not that man. You are not the US.

0:26:39 - (Renada): Coast Guard.

0:26:40 - (Renada): You are not a GPS system. It is not your job to help other people locate themselves.

0:26:47 - (Renada): It is each of our jobs to.

0:26:49 - (Renada): Be responsible enough to get in tune.

0:26:51 - (Renada): With ourselves and to come to a space where we recognize how to show.

0:26:57 - (Renada): Up for ourselves, be honest about where.

0:27:00 - (Renada): We are transparent about what we're feeling.

0:27:03 - (Renada): And then actionable about meeting our needs. That is each of our responsibility.

0:27:08 - (Renada): And if your children are grown, it's.

0:27:10 - (Renada): Even more so their responsibility. If you are a manager or a supervisor, it is still those other adult human beings responsibility.

0:27:20 - (Renada): So we are going to redefine our.

0:27:23 - (Renada): Whys and our hows and recognize that we say no from a place of self compassion and self acceptance.

0:27:31 - (Renada): Second, we are shifting from guilt mindset to self care mindset, because guilt will.

0:27:41 - (Renada): Have you saying yes to a bunch of stuff that leaves little time for.

0:27:45 - (Renada): You to care about you.

0:27:48 - (Renada): And that's not how you exhibit championship living.

0:27:54 - (Renada): That's not how you meet or show up as your best self. You deserve better than that. Don't waste your words and your yeses in a way that exhausts your energy for yourself. So what does that mean? That means that when you say no.

0:28:18 - (Renada): If it requires that you keep yourself.

0:28:21 - (Renada): From feeling guilt or shame or remorse about saying no to somebody, then you.

0:28:26 - (Renada): Reframe it as an act of self care.

0:28:33 - (Renada): Recognize that by saying no, you are.

0:28:36 - (Renada): Absolutely giving yourself permission to preserve your.

0:28:39 - (Renada): Energy, to honor your boundaries, to use your resources wisely, and you can always.

0:28:48 - (Renada): Frame that in a way that reflects your values. I'm sorry. Financially, it wouldn't be responsible for me.

0:28:54 - (Renada): To do that right now, so I apologize.

0:28:57 - (Renada): I can't help you, not in that way.

0:29:02 - (Renada): And if you want to offer an.

0:29:04 - (Renada): Alternative, sure, go ahead.

0:29:05 - (Renada): But if it's as simple as that, then leave it.

0:29:09 - (A): I'm sorry.

0:29:10 - (Renada): It would not be financially responsible for me to help you in that way. The boundary that you're setting there is.

0:29:15 - (Renada): Saying, I understand what is financially responsible.

0:29:19 - (Renada): And I want to move in that direction.

0:29:21 - (Renada): And this does not align if it's you showing up.

0:29:26 - (Renada): I'm sorry. I've already have prior commitments that require.

0:29:31 - (Renada): My time, and I don't want to be fragmented or scattered.

0:29:38 - (Renada): So I'm going to just focus on what I've already committed my time to.

0:29:41 - (Renada): But I would love to be informed.

0:29:43 - (Renada): About the next opportunity.

0:29:46 - (Renada): That way you leave space for grace.

0:29:50 - (Renada): It's not a denial, it's not a dismissal.

0:29:52 - (Renada): It's a delay of my presence being accessible to you. I'm saying no to my presence, being.

0:30:00 - (Renada): Commandeered or being allocated in ways that I cannot support because I would be left with no time for self care.

0:30:09 - (Renada): You deserve to say no.

0:30:15 - (Renada): And you always have the option to emphasize self.

0:30:19 - (Renada): Respect over people pleasing. If you have toxic or dysfunctional relationships with family members, this can be a challenge. So it means that you have to move away from the habit of people pleasing and shift your focus towards self respect.

0:30:36 - (Renada): That is central.

0:30:39 - (Renada): In order for me to respect my own boundaries, I cannot participate in the holidays this year. We're going to stay here instead of traveling, or in order to make sure that I am being in tune with.

0:30:54 - (Renada): What I need, I'm not going to attend this event.

0:30:59 - (Renada): Or we can't have conversations in this way. You're allowed to say no to talking to people on the phone. You're allowed to say no to texting people, you're allowed to say no to relationships that are dysfunctional or unhealthy.

0:31:15 - (Renada): You're allowed to say no.

0:31:17 - (A): You deserve that.

0:31:21 - (Renada): And it allows you.

0:31:23 - (Renada): To own your boundaries.

0:31:27 - (Renada): Your values, your limitations.

0:31:31 - (Renada): Recognize you know what?

0:31:33 - (Renada): This conversation always ends in an argument, and I don't want that right now.

0:31:38 - (Renada): So I'm going to hang up now.

0:31:42 - (Renada): This topic always creates a disconnect between.

0:31:45 - (Renada): Us, and I don't want that right now. That is important.

0:31:52 - (Renada): And it gives you the opportunity to practice authenticity.

0:31:57 - (Renada): Striving to be more authentic as you're.

0:32:01 - (Renada): Learning to say no is essentially imperative.

0:32:08 - (Renada): Like you can't have one without the other.

0:32:10 - (Renada): They are connected. Being more authentic with yourself, being more.

0:32:15 - (Renada): Authentic in how you show up requires that you say no to certain things and say yes to certain things. Saying yes to things that may have been out of your comfort zone before.

0:32:26 - (Renada): Because you were afraid of what it.

0:32:28 - (Renada): Would feel like to grow in that area and saying no to the things that do not align.

0:32:33 - (Renada): So learning to say no gives you.

0:32:36 - (Renada): The opportunity to be genuine in the interactions that you have with people. So when you are authentic with people, when you're authentic in how you deal.

0:32:46 - (Renada): With them, it helps them to locate.

0:32:48 - (Renada): You to understand where your boundaries are.

0:32:51 - (Renada): To recognize what is required in order.

0:32:55 - (Renada): For the relationship to exist. And that is important and you deserve.

0:32:59 - (A): That.

0:33:02 - (Renada): Authenticity in your relationships, authenticity for yourself gives you the chance to make.

0:33:10 - (Renada): Sure that you are being true to.

0:33:14 - (Renada): Your feelings and your needs instead of.

0:33:17 - (Renada): Just giving up your voice, giving up your decision making capacity to other people. That's not fair to you.

0:33:28 - (Renada): Being true to yourself is how you build a foundation of self acceptance and self compassion.

0:33:40 - (Renada): Okay, I thought those were pretty good. Pretty good points to share, pretty real truths. We're moving, we're recognizing some areas in our own life where maybe we have given our no's not enough opportunity to breathe.

0:34:00 - (Renada): Maybe we've used our yeses too freely.

0:34:05 - (A): That's fair.

0:34:08 - (Renada): So let's do a self check. Let's get in tune with ourselves. Is there a space in your life.

0:34:16 - (Renada): That you have been giving your yeses.

0:34:19 - (Renada): Out of obligation because you didn't want to be shameful or regretful about saying no?

0:34:31 - (Renada): Where do you need to say no so that people begin to understand where your boundaries are?

0:34:41 - (Renada): And have you ever recognized that your word is your power and are you.

0:34:48 - (Renada): Using it to show up for yourself?

0:34:53 - (Renada): Because let's be real, those are hard to do.

0:34:56 - (Renada): Those three questions can be very challenging to answer, especially when you're responsible for.

0:35:03 - (Renada): Organizations or departments, even children, when you're.

0:35:08 - (Renada): Responsible for other human beings. Sometimes you feel like your no could be the difference between how they turn out.

0:35:18 - (Renada): When in reality, if you're saying no.

0:35:22 - (Renada): From a place of self compassion, when you're saying no from a place of recognizing self acceptance and you're self caring. And so you're saying no and you're creating and establishing and enforcing boundaries with people in a way that they can.

0:35:41 - (Renada): Then interpret and locate you, they're not.

0:35:45 - (Renada): Going to be messed up. Because you're not doing it out of a place of anger. You're not making it about other people. You're doing it so that you can.

0:35:54 - (Renada): Show up for you. And the more you show up for.

0:35:57 - (Renada): You, the more compassion you show yourself, the more compassion you can show to other people.

0:36:03 - (Renada): Because we are called to love others as we love ourselves.

0:36:10 - (Renada): That is key.

0:36:14 - (Renada): So what are the places where you're.

0:36:17 - (Renada): Going to start giving your no's so.

0:36:20 - (Renada): That you can preserve your energy and.

0:36:22 - (Renada): Your power and your resources?

0:36:27 - (Renada): Because you deserve to conserve your energy.

0:36:30 - (Renada): You deserve that. Remember that your word is your power, and you have every right to say.

0:36:41 - (Renada): No to what does not align with.

0:36:43 - (Renada): The truth that you hold or the.

0:36:46 - (Renada): Values that you have.

0:36:51 - (Renada): So take the time, make space for.

0:36:54 - (Renada): Yourself today to really check in with.

0:36:56 - (Renada): You and locate yourself.

0:37:00 - (Renada): Make your moments matter today. Give yourself the goodness that you deserve.

0:37:07 - (Renada): To have and live in the light of truth. And don't forget to take into tomorrow.

0:37:15 - (Renada): The lessons of today.

0:37:17 - (Renada): This is what helps you to keep moving forward. This is what reminds you of the hows and the whys and what keeps.

0:37:24 - (Renada): You motivated to meet your needs and.

0:37:27 - (Renada): To show up for yourself.

0:37:31 - (Renada): Be gracious with yourself, be patient with.

0:37:37 - (Renada): Yourself, and be loving to yourself. You deserve that.

0:37:44 - (Renada): And don't worry about it.

0:37:45 - (Renada): You've got this. Don't worry about all of the.

0:37:52 - (Renada): Next steps.

0:37:53 - (Renada): Just take the step today.

0:37:55 - (Renada): Starting today, say no to the things that do not align with the truth.

0:38:02 - (Renada): That you hold and the values that you have.

0:38:06 - (Renada): May the peace of Yah be yours.

0:38:09 - (Renada): Stay encouraged, stay focused. You deserve your goodness.

0:38:16 - (Renada): And we'll talk soon. Bye, y'all.