Wearing Weight

In this episode, Renada challenges all of us - to be intentional about the weights we carry, as she shares her own journey of self-love, self-worth and self-work to empower us to live out our values and find our true power.

In this episode we'll talk about wearing weight. Wearing weight is taking on burdens that don't belong to us in order to prove our existence and validate our worth. This often leads to feeling exhausted, resentful, and like our presence is not powerful or meaningful. To prevent this, it's important to be intentional about the weights we carry, set boundaries, and recognize our limitations. We have the power to choose how much weight we carry, and we should be sure to give ourselves as much time and attention as we give to others.

"Letting go of the things that are weighing you down doesn't make you weak. When you give something up that's not you capitulating to life and saying, I'm not as strong as I thought I was. That's you recognizing that you deserve as much time for you as you give to others."

In this episode, you will learn the following:
1. What is the meaning of "wearing weight"?
2. How does stress take a toll on the body?
3. How can boundaries help us avoid burdening ourselves?

Resources:
For more information visit www.loveworthwork.com

Other episodes you'll enjoy:
From Season 1
Building Boundaries
Self Advocacy
Take Up Space


Connect with me:
Twitter: https://www.twitter.com/LoveWorthWork
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/Renadabey
Website: Www.LoveWorthWork.com


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Transcript

00:00:01

Hey. Good day. I hope and pray that this is not only your blessing, but that it is also your mindset knowing that today was made just for you. Take that in for a moment. Because if nobody told you how important you you are, if nobody told you how valuable your voice is, how powerful your presence is, how much of a gift you are to this planet, let me be the one to say it to you.

00:00:37

Thank you. Thank you for being here. Thank you for being you. I am so happy that you are here, and I am making it my mission today to share with you that heaven designed this day with you in mind. You are exactly where you are supposed to be.

00:01:01

There is no mistake about who you are or where you are today holds everything that you need to be the best version of yourself and to succeed. So let's get into some self love, some self worth, and a little bit of self work, because we are worth that. So that we begin and end the day with the goodness that we were made to have and hold and the goodness that we deserve. I'm Renata, I am so thankful that you are here, and I am looking forward to sharing in these moments and talking with you and just diving a little bit deeper into the whys of things and allowing our voices, our truths, our understanding to be refined and sharpened so that we grow from these moments. I want to, first of all, just say thank you if you are a returning listener.

00:02:13

Season one has just been such a blessing to me and to be able to share it with so many people and get such great feedback and to see what the Lord is doing. And if you're new here, I am asking you if you have some moments, go back and listen to some of the episodes from season one and share them. If they bless you, share it with somebody. If it's good to you comment, let me know that what I'm sharing, what's being given to me and what I'm working through, and then sharing with you is helping. That just makes my heart smile.

00:02:51

So with all of that said, let's get into the real reason why you're here. Because you clicked on this because the title intrigued you and you wanted to know what it means. Like, okay, wearing weight. What are we talking about? Healthy living?

00:03:06

Weight management? Lifestyle choices, diet? No, we're not talking about that. So when I was younger, I would hear my mom and other people talk about how someone wore their weight. Never really understood what it meant until I got older.

00:03:23

But we're not talking about that kind of weight. We're talking about wearing weight in the sense of what we take on what we hold? And are we taking on things that burden us and bury our vision, bury our sense of self and make it difficult to walk the path and the journey of our life in our power and purpose? Because we are taking on the things that don't belong to us so that we can somehow prove that our existence matters by what we shoulder and how many tasks we can multi at one time. That's what we're talking about.

00:04:10

And this is coming from a place of both experience real vulnerability and truthing selftruthing, because I used to be the same way. I used to believe that in order for me to get the most out of my day, I had to do the most. I had to prove that I could manage so many things that I could multitask. And that somehow the more things I did, the more validated my existence became until the point where my body started to say, something is wrong. So I don't know if you all are Office fans, but there's an episode of The Office with Will Ferrell, who's one of my favorite actors.

00:05:04

Will Ferrell, his name is DeAngelo, and he comes in, he's a new manager in The Office branch, and he does this invisible juggling ball routine, and he asks people to toss him balls, and he's juggling them in the air. And everybody's looking at him like, okay, that's what we tend to do sometimes. We tend to do this invisible juggling act where somehow, for the sake of show, we're taking on things and letting people toss us other balls and letting people tell us the other things that we should do and should be and shouldn't be able to handle and what we should be focusing on and giving our attention to. Instead of deciding it for ourselves, we allow it to be determined by factors and influences outside of self. And so here you are, juggling all of these balls, trying to prove your existence.

00:06:06

Meanwhile, everybody's looking at you because they can sense it. They're like, oh, you're trying to do too much. Why do you feel like that makes you more important? How does doing this make your life more meaningful? They can see it, but you can't.

00:06:20

You can't see how it's affecting you until things start to go awry or until you start to step back and inventory your time. And you don't see where you've given to yourself. You can quantify how many other things you've given to where all of your time has gone, where all of your energy is gone, but there's nothing for you. And usually this comes from you feeling tired, worn out, like the moments are just passing you by, and you're like, oh, man, where did all of my time go? Where did all of my joy go?

00:07:05

Where did all of my peace and my gladness go?

00:07:10

It left you because you laid it down when you started trying to multi all the tasks.

00:07:20

So we're talking about wearing weight. What does that mean? What does it look like? And how can we get into the habit of being intentional about the weights that we carry? Because we all have to carry some kind of weight, right?

00:07:46

It's a natural process. It's part of life is to carry weight. Your roles come with heft. They don't have to come with burden, but they do come with heft. All of the things that you have to be husband, wife, mothers, fathers, daughters, son, student, friend, sister, confident, confidant, spouse, partner, entrepreneur, manager all of those roles come with heft.

00:08:27

But they don't have to come with burden. You get to choose whether or not you want to be burdened. You get to decide how much weight you want to carry. It is important that you put yourself in a central position to see, because when you don't see yourself, the vision that you had of your life can easily become buried by obligation and expectation.

00:09:01

And the truth of the matter is, if we are not actively deciding how we want the things that we take on to align with our vision of ourselves and our values, other people will decide for you. And that usually comes through opinion giving. People will tell you, oh, I think you should, or you might as well just or It's no different. Or what does it matter if you take on one more thing or if you do one more thing, or if you hold one more title or if you volunteer one more place, or if you give up your time for this other cause? Everybody has opinions about how to manage other people's time and the weight that they should be carrying.

00:09:45

And if you give too much of your own voice away, then people will decide for you. And then that's how we end up resentful feeling like we're just working for the sake of working and not making a difference where we are. Feeling like our presence isn't very powerful. So we stop saying the things that we need to say. We stop setting boundaries that bless us and build us.

00:10:14

We stop honoring ourselves in the way that we show up because we've worn too much weight. And now you're tired. Now you're mentally and physically and emotionally fatigued. And you don't understand how to pour back into your own cup. You don't recognize how to take a step back.

00:10:36

You don't see where you need to stop.

00:10:42

Or you feel guilty for seeing the things that you see and recognizing that you need to stop, that you need to step back and you convince yourself that it's not necessary right now. But if you're wearing weight, it's very necessary. So I'm going to share some truths for you to have and hold.

00:11:07

You weren't made to manage everything. It is a scientific fact that humans were made with limitations. Can't breathe underwater, can't sprout wings and fly.

00:11:24

You can't even camouflage yourself. There's nothing biologically that you can do to gain an advantage that supersedes the limitations that you were made to have. It was by divine design that we have limitations.

00:11:42

Truth number two. Just because you can shoulder something doesn't mean you should or that you have to. There are enough tasks to go around. There's enough light for everybody to have some. There's enough good to share with the world.

00:12:05

You don't have to do it all.

00:12:09

Truth number three. Boundaries help prevent us from bearing burdens that hinder our blessings.

00:12:22

When you establish a boundary, it gives you the opportunity to see with clarity and to see with objectivity how something is either benefiting you or blocking you from a blessing.

00:12:38

Truth number four. Letting go of the things that are weighing you down doesn't make you weak. When you give something up that's not you capitulating to life and saying, I'm not as strong as I thought I was. That's you recognizing that you deserve as much time for you as you give to others. That's you recognizing that you deserve to pour into yourself as much as you pour out for other people.

00:13:17

It is important for you to know and understand that your worth is not defined by how many tasks you accomplish. Your worth is directly tied to how you show up for you and live out your values.

00:13:35

That is important to understand. It is important to know and to live.

00:13:44

So our family has a new show that we're all watching right now. We're watching House and we're like in season five of House, and we found it because our daughter is very into both medicine not both medicine, science and mysteries. That's her thing. And when I came across the show, I thought, oh, it's kind of like Sherlock. He's a diagnostician.

00:14:14

He has to figure things out. It's like a puzzle. She'll love this. So we're in season five now, and one of the episodes there was a recurring theme about how stress impacts the body and how it was causing system failures and how the brain was interpreting stress and shutting the body down. And in that moment, I was like, oh my gosh, this is crazy.

00:14:45

Like, you hear it, you think about it sometimes when you have tension in your shoulders or when you're walking and you're like, oh, my hip feels a little tight, or My knee doesn't feel like it usually does, and we can write it off. Like, sometimes there is a correlating cause. It can be a change in diet. Gaining weight because of diet, it could be overactivity. But the fact that the patient was in the hospital because stress had induced an autonomic and systemic response in their body that they had to seek medical attention, like emergency surgery, is definitely a testament to wearing weight.

00:15:38

And weight. I'm not talking about just wearing weight, like, oh, I'm tense. I'm talking about wearing weight, like, when your mind feels so overwhelmed that you reach that space of, I can't even give another thought to this. I can't even consider this situation again. I can't even utter another prayer.

00:16:05

I'm just so tired. I'm so done. That kind of weight where it takes a toll and starts to crush your spirit, you don't feel the light living inside of you anymore because you're trying to manage all the things and be all the people. So you can multi all of the tasks and somehow that's supposed to validate, bring more value to your existence, bring more substance to your life, when in reality all it's doing is sucking the good, draining you of the joy and stealing your peace. And it's voluntary because we get to choose our weight.

00:16:54

We get to choose how much weight we carry. We get to decide if we're going to bear burdens or not. That's a choice and it's a choice that sometimes we don't even recognize that we are doing. And let me tell you all it is when it gets to that point where you have to step back and say, okay, objectively, what am I doing here?

00:17:24

That's a queue, that's a sign, it's a signal that, hey, we need to reevaluate. We need to recenter need to come back to self.

00:17:37

And I just had to go through this season. I honestly thought I was just jumping back into season two to record some podcast episodes for you all. And the Lord was like, we have some work to do because this is going to require a different level of time and attention from you. So I need to make sure that you possess all of the qualities and are equipped and recognize how you're equipped so that you do this and so that you do it right. So in becoming a mental health coach, I understood that there has to be balance because there's a lot of heaviness that you deal with.

00:18:21

We've all been in places where the weight of the season almost becomes incapacitating to a degree where you feel like this is too much. And for those of you who have a relationship with the living God, you're like, okay Lord, I know you said you don't put more on me than I can bear, but I don't know who you think I am. I don't understand how you see that in me because I definitely don't see it in myself. And I thought I knew myself pretty well, but this don't feel right. I don't like it.

00:18:57

I don't want it. I've been there. And that's when you have to come back to center, come back to self. What weight am I wearing right now? Whose job am I trying to do and why am I trying to do their job?

00:19:17

What does it say about me that I believe I can do this better than the person who it belongs to?

00:19:26

Those are the questions that bring clarity and objectivity when you start recognizing that you're wearing weight and it is important to get to that space.

00:19:39

Hebrews twelve one is one of my favorite passages. And it says that because we're surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses that we need to throw off every weight that hinders us. And the sins, the thinking, the incongruent understandings that we have that would like to entangle us, so that we don't understand that we have perseverance, so that we don't understand that there's a race that we're supposed to be running. And if you're supposed to be running a race, if you're supposed to be on the path of your life, taking on other people's things will slow you down. It will make you not want to continue on your own path.

00:20:28

It will make you feel incapable of walking your journey.

00:20:36

So you have to lay those things aside. And it can be really hard, especially if you have cultivated the habit of proving and validating your existence based on other people's measures, because you don't have one for yourself.

00:20:56

And if you don't have one for yourself, it means that you haven't given yourself enough time to decide. How does the vision of who you are show up in the places that you go and in the things that you do? How does your vision of yourself reflect the things that you are accepting? Whether it's commitments, volunteering obligations, expectations of other people trying to be helpful to others, how are you showing up for yourself, too? And one of the things that always boggled my mind growing up was that for people in the church, they would always say, you regard people more highly than yourself or you put other people first.

00:21:51

And that's a faulty way of thinking. It's not even what we were supposed to receive when the Messiah walked the planet, because he said, love people as you love yourself. You have to love yourself first. If you don't give to yourself, if you don't connect with yourself, if you don't figure out the vision for your life, if you don't understand the power placed on the inside of you through your gifts and your talents and your creativity and your abilities, if you don't recognize that, you're never going to realize that you have power. And if you feel powerless, then you're going to wear weights to prove that you are powerful.

00:22:37

That's where it comes from. It comes from a lack of understanding my power and my purpose. And if I don't understand that, then people will step in and decide for me. And they'll say, wear this weight. When you wear this weight, it proves that you're a good daughter.

00:22:55

If you wear this weight, it proves you're a good husband. If you wear this weight, it proves that you're a good CEO or a good manager. If you wear this weight, it proves that you're a good sister, a good brother. People will come in and try to hand you weights, and if you don't have boundaries that say, okay, no, this is the vision that I have of myself. I will put myself first and honor myself by recognizing my strengths and my abilities and honoring my strengths and my abilities by saying no to the things that don't align with what I can do.

00:23:37

Physically saying no to the things that don't align with what I can do mentally. Saying no to the things that don't align with what I can do financially, and in times saying no to the things that don't align with where I want to be spiritually. If I know that having a friendship with this person always leaves me feeling doubtful of how powerful I am as a person or feeling vulnerable in ways that I'm not comfortable with, that means that you're recognizing wearing that weight is not good to you spiritually, wearing that weight is not good to you mentally. And it's okay, it's okay to say that, to name that.

00:24:30

One of the things that we've been going through in this season as a family is recognizing how our communication impacts each other's ability to stay on course and to be directed in how we move. So as a mom, my tendency is to say okay, I can see that what you're doing is not going to be beneficial long term, so I don't think you should do that. And that's an opinion. And if I'm being overly opinionated as a mother, in essence, I am placing weights on my children because they think that somehow they have to pivot or they have to shift or they have to stop what they may know they innately want to do. And I am learning y'all, it is so hard but I am learning to trust their instincts and it has been really challenging, especially as a mom, because that wasn't something that I had growing up, it wasn't even something that was talked about.

00:25:51

But learning to see people for who they are and learning to trust that they want good for themselves, that they will instinctively seek it out and all you have to do is come alongside them and support and encourage them. Sometimes the support may be financial if you're a parent or a spouse, or sometimes the support may be your presence showing up and your voice being valuable in the situation to say you're doing a good job. I'm so proud that you stuck with this, I'm so happy that you gave yourself this moment. I'm so glad that you see this part of yourself or you saw this and you took the opportunity and you ensured that it was advantageous to you. That is a part of setting a boundary so that you don't have to wear a weight and it is important that you recognize when you're wearing weights because wearing weights means there's a place right there that doesn't have a boundary.

00:27:04

Boundaries prevent you from being burdened by obligation or expectation, it prevents you from blocking your own blessings.

00:27:17

We were in the grocery store the other day and this is my own theory I don't know if it works for everybody. I think my husband secretly hates it, but he's so gracious that he hasn't said that he does. So I appreciate it and I'm going to keep doing it until he says he doesn't like it anymore. But when we go to the store, I try to predetermine, how much money should we spend right now, based on the list? So if we only need six things, we don't need to get a cart.

00:27:52

Because if we get a cart, we can hold more things in the cart, and more things means more money, and I don't want to spend more money. So everybody has hands. There's four of us. That's eight hands. We need seven things.

00:28:07

Okay, let's go. And my husband, now that I'm thinking about it, I'm sure he secretly hates it because he's always like, babe, do you want to get a cart? No, we're good. And we go in the store and we divide and conquer. Everybody go your way.

00:28:23

You know what you need to get. Okay, we're going to meet back up, go to the checkout. So we happened to be in the store, I think this was last weekend, and we went for seven things. We left with, like 15. I think it was 15 because we were in the 25 items or less checkout.

00:28:45

And as we're still getting other things, my husband looks behind him and there's an empty cart and he grabs the basket and there's a guy stocking who said, yo, bro, I do the same thing. He said, you always think you're going to come into the store and you're only going to get a few things, and then you end up with an arm full of stuff and now you need a cart. And I just sit there and I smile because I know that we probably should have gotten a cart when we first came in, but the need in the store superseded the need outside of the store. And so we left with more than what we intended to get because we had in my mind, it's because we got a basket. If we hadn't have gotten a basket, we wouldn't have had all of those things.

00:29:34

That's just my thinking. But I am learning, and even in wearing weights, if you have a predetermined understanding of what it is that you're willing to accept and how far are you willing to go? And what does showing up for this look like? The more you can specify and identify the details, the easier it will be for you to ensure that you don't end up with an armful of stuff. Now you're needing a basket because what you intended on doing and saying and seeing you let go for other people's expectations and obligations.

00:30:27

And so as we move forward, I am going to make sure that if we do get a cart, it will be the smallest one. Let's get a handbasket. That's a compromise. Because if we're all working towards the same goal, and if everybody can see the vision, everybody is not always going to like the vision that you have for you. They don't have to.

00:30:52

But what is important is that they recognize that you have a vision. So what you're willing to accept, what you're willing to hold, what you're willing to carry, is not based on other people's predetermined ideas or decisions. It's based on what you have said. You're willing to accept what you have said. You're willing to carry.

00:31:22

And that is important because carrying weight, wearing weight, will not only slow you down, but it changes how you respond to situations, and it even changes the perspective through which we see our path and our power. Because when you're wearing weight and you're trying to do everybody's job, that's when fatigue sets in. That's when frustration sets in. And you're more inclined to believe that you don't have the perseverance that you thought you did. You're more inclined to believe that you're not as strong as you really are.

00:32:13

You're more inclined to think that you have to start giving up the things and the pieces of yourself to accommodate what's happening around you. And that's not true. Matthew Six tells us matthew Six talks about the fact that worrying, which is a form of wearing weight worrying doesn't add to your life. Worrying doesn't substantiate your existence. Worrying keeps you from having the perspective to use your power in the moments that you're in to fulfill your purpose.

00:33:06

If you're so worried about if you're wearing the weights of how is this going to pan out? What else do I need to take on? What are they going to think about me if this doesn't work out? What are they going to think about me if I decide that I don't want to participate in this anymore? What are they going to say if I tell them that we're not going to come to that party or go to that event?

00:33:32

You start worrying so much about what other people are going to do. Say or think that you stop standing in the power that you have to honor yourself to recognize what is and isn't blessing you. And to see and say, in this moment, this doesn't align with my values. In this moment, this doesn't align with my vision, the vision that I have of myself and what I know I need.

00:34:03

And when you allow the opinions and the thoughts of other people to burden and bury you, that's when you start feeling guilty. That's when you start really asking, okay, well, how am I supposed to do this? Or is there really a person who cares? Or what about my needs? Or what about nobody ever said your needs didn't matter.

00:34:29

But if you give people the impression that they don't by taking on everything, it becomes hard for people to see you because people approach you based on how you tell them to.

00:34:50
This is a fact of life. If you tell people, this is who I am, I find my validation in doing everything, they'll say, okay, you want to do everything here's? Everything, have fun with that. And then they leave. And then sometimes they'll check in, pop in, and be like, hey, how's everything going?

00:35:13

Oh, everything's great. Oh, yeah, you really do find your validation in doing everything.

00:35:21

Okay, talk to you later. And you're like, oh, man, they didn't ask me how I'm doing. They didn't seem like they cared about me. They didn't offer to help. They didn't even come over and really look.

00:35:37
No, they didn't, because you told them that you found your validation and doing everything.

00:35:44

But when you tell people, hey, I live by boundaries. I'm not taking on tasks that don't bless me, that don't align with my vision of myself or my values. Then they'll say, hey, do you want to do this? The way that they approach you changes. There are more questions involved because questions bring clarity for you and the other person, and boundaries bless you and the other person, and it helps you to figure out how to stay centered, to come back to self and really see, okay, what do I need right now?

00:36:24

And how can I give myself what I need? So I was just in that season where I started to feel a little fatigued. It was a little draining. And for the last two weeks, I've been really trying to understand what I was being shown. What was the Lord saying?

00:36:49

What was he bringing me to? What was he trying to get me to understand?

00:36:56

And the phrase wearing weight kept coming back to my mind over and over and over. Wearing weight, wearing weight. Why am I so tired? You're wearing weight. I thought it meant that I needed to lose some weight.

00:37:13

So, you know, I'm up doing more, trying to be more active, trying to stay on top of my health with the Keto diet and focus all of my energy and attention on that. And wearing weight? What is this? And finally it clicked. Reading Matthew six.

00:37:33

I am trying to do everybody's job, and my sister and I have this joke that we are recovering meddlers and working diligently to mind our own business, even where we are concerned. Isn't that interesting that you can meddle in the business of you in a way that is not advantageous to you? Yeah, that's what happens when the Lord's like, hey, go do this thing. Or you feel a prompting in your heart or in your mind or in your spirit, and you're like, I would love to do this, start this business or write this book or partner with this organization or volunteer here, and you fill it. You know that it's just something that you're supposed to do.

00:38:34

And then you start trying to figure out all of the details around it. You. Start trying to plan how every step should look and exactly how things should be and exactly how they should fit into your plan and exactly how they should go. And you make it so tight, so thick, so boxed up and stringent that there's no room for flexibility, there's no room for actual pursuit of it, because at any point in time, if one thing goes awry, all of it falls apart. And you don't even recognize that you're meddling.

00:39:09
And the Lord is just saying, I just want you here. I just want you to do this thing. This is the one weight that I want you to wear, the one thing that I want you to do, the one task that I want you to have. I don't want you to multitask. I want you to just task with this one.

00:39:34

Just give your attention and your focus to this thing. Make it great. And then you start asking too many questions and trying to do too many things. And what if it doesn't look like this? And what if they say no?

00:39:47

What if they don't want me to? What if it starts raining? What if I can't get there? What if my car breaks down? You start meddling because you're worrying about things that are not your job to handle or manage, and you're wearing weight.

00:40:09
And eventually, for me, in that when I was in that season, it was finally like the Lord said, just stop. Take a step back.

00:40:22
Don't worry about tomorrow. Don't worry about what comes next. If you're so worried about taking the next step when you haven't even moved your feet for the one that I'm calling you to in this moment, you're missing the point. The point is for you to stay so fixed and focused on what you're supposed to be doing that you give the grace and the space for everything else to fall in line the way that it is supposed to, because you are exactly where you need to be. You don't have to worry about tomorrow.

00:41:01

You can't do anything about tomorrow, even if you wanted to. You can't turn a hair on your head grave. You can't move any limitations that I've placed on you. You can't make people do or be anything. Just focus right now.

00:41:17

Come back to center. Come back to self. Step back and look.

00:41:25

What do you need to lay down that you are holding on to? Where are you wearing weights? So we're self checking. We're self checking because that's how we get to the truth. That's how we recognize, okay, where do we have habits and tendencies that are not blessing us?

00:41:53

What can you let go of today that isn't necessary for you to hold or manage? Because if you really stop and think about it, what you're doing doesn't validate your existence, and in reality, it would still function even if you weren't involved. What can you let go of?

00:42:18
Where and how can you give yourself more time today so that the obligations, the opinions and the expectations of other people do not overshadow your vision for yourself?

00:42:37

Are you setting boundaries actively? Or is there a place where boundaries are lacking and you're wearing burdens instead?

00:42:46

Are you wearing weights? Do you need to lay aside weights so that you can run your race and recognize that you have both the perseverance and the power to walk your path?

00:43:05

And is there anything that is upholding a sense of obligation that you have? Are you trying to live out the expectations of people, family members, children, spouses, that are not rooted in truth and that are not long term, sustainable and healthy because they don't bless you both, they don't grow you in a way that helps you to see yourself?

00:43:42

We have to be real. We have to be honest with ourselves and self truth. Because if you don't get to the root of these areas, if we don't recognize that we are wearing weights, we end up bottling things on the inside. We end up holding on to so much that our bodies respond. And it is not different from that House episode where all of a sudden your mind, your body, your spirit just can no longer uphold the weights, the burdens that you have decided to bear.

00:44:28

Strokes, heart attacks, mental health issues, these are the side effects. But we each have a choice about the weight that we wear. We each have a choice. So give yourself that opportunity today. What does that look like?

00:44:52

Start small. Let go of what you can, where you can.

00:45:01
Something that doesn't require your input or your presence. Let it go. If it's not going to impact you negatively, financially, physically, let it go.

00:45:18

Substitute with yourself where you're giving something up now. Insert something that you can do for yourself if it's 15 minutes after work that you're just going to walk outside. If it's you starting to cook dinner once or twice a week, if it's you deciding, you know what, before I go to bed, I'm going to read a few chapters of a book that I really like. Or I'm going to start setting aside a self care day. Or I'm going to start giving myself the opportunity to get to sleep a little bit earlier by shutting things off.

00:45:55

I'm going to turn my work phone off when I get home. I'm going to make sure that the kids know that if it requires for them to be picked up after 09:00 on this day, they're going to have to find another activity to do. Or we're going to have to figure out an arrangement with some other families or people that we trust and have connections with in the community. It is okay to set boundaries that allow you to substitute with yourself, to give yourself some time.

00:46:30

And speaking of those boundaries, setting them, set a boundary and you can even reframe how you set that boundary. You can tell somebody so that they see that you're setting a boundary, provide an alternative. So if you were helping on a project at work that you really don't need to be helping with because there's already people that are tasked with doing that job, you can show up and say, hey guys. And if you're not a fan of verbal communication because it may feel confrontational to you, send an email. Hey guys, I'm so proud of the job that you all are doing with this project.

00:47:12

And I'm recognizing that there are places that maybe need a little bit more of my attention and focus. So I'm going to place my full confidence in you all to continue to get it done. I'll check in with you guys on this day, but I know that you're going to get this done and it'll be a great final product and outcome. So glad to be a part of the team that's you setting a boundary that says, hey, I'm stepping back from this. I trust you to do it.

00:47:40

I don't have to manage, I can check in. But then you're also giving people the reassurance that they have your support and confidence so that you can focus on you and you can reframe things like that with anybody, whether it's a child, a family member, a spouse. Hey, I'm giving you the full confidence that I believe that you can do this. So I'm going to step back from it and let you take it over because I know that it'll be a great outcome. I'll check in, and if you need my help or support with anything, let me know.

00:48:17

But setting boundaries in a way that gives you an opportunity to give to yourself and to take a step back, these are instrumental ways that you can prevent yourself from wearing weights. Recognize and understand that those limitations are necessary.

00:48:47

And just because you're giving things up does not make you weak.

00:48:53

Your boundaries will bless you. Because now you understand that just because you can shoulder something doesn't mean that you have to.

00:49:07

So do the things for yourself today that will bless you tomorrow. Set those boundaries. Find ways to come back to self, to come back to center for you. You deserve that. Show up for yourself.

00:49:25

Make your moments matter today. Give yourself the goodness that you deserve to live in the light of truth. And don't forget to take into tomorrow the lessons of today. Be gracious, be patient, and be loving to yourself. You got this.

00:49:49

I'm so proud of you. And I thank you so much for sharing in this time. If there's something that blessed you, please share. Visit me online@loveworthwork.com. If you need a little personal support.

00:50:02

Sign up for a mental health coaching session. Sign up for a life coaching session. I am here to help and advocate for you in any way possible because you matter, you're valuable, and your presence is a gift to this planet. Be encouraged. You got this.

00:50:26

May the peace of yah be yours today. And we'll talk soon. Bye.