J.O.Y.

Renada is a motivational speaker and life coach who specializes in helping individuals find joy and fulfillment in their lives. She draws on her own experiences and lessons learned to inspire and empower others to live their best lives.

In this episode, Renada discusses the concept of J-O-Y, which stands for "Just Own You." She explains that in order to experience joy and be the best version of ourselves, we need to focus on self-love, self-worth, and self-work. Renada shares her personal journey of discovering the joy gap and how she learned to prioritize her own needs and responsibilities. She emphasizes the importance of setting boundaries, not comparing ourselves to others, and taking pride in our own actions. Renada encourages listeners to take inventory of what they know, what they have, and what they can do right now, and to direct their time and energy towards their own goals and well-being.

Key Takeaways:

• J-O-Y stands for "Just Own You" and is about prioritizing self-love, self-worth, and self-work.
• The joy gap occurs when we try to be and do everything for everyone else, leading to overwhelm and a loss of joy.
• To experience joy, we need to focus on what we know, what we have, and what we can do right now.
• Setting boundaries and not comparing ourselves to others are key to owning ourselves and finding joy.
• Taking pride in our own actions and accomplishments is essential for maintaining joy and peace.

If you were blessed by what you heard, share the goodness. Let's connect at https://www.loveworthwork.com

Transcript

0:00:00 - (Renada): You. Hey, good day. May this be your blessing and mindset that today was made just for you. Take that in and let it bless you in this moment because heaven designed this day with you in mind, and today holds everything that you you need to be the best version of yourself and to succeed. So let's start this day with some self love, with some self worth, and we're even going to get into a little self work so that we all have the opportunity to begin and end this day with the goodness that we each deserve. With the goodness that you deserve.

0:00:55 - (Renada): I'm Renada. Welcome. So glad you're here. So glad you're listening. I appreciate your time. I appreciate your energy. I appreciate you making the space for this to be a moment that we share together. So, again, welcome. And today we are talking about J-O-Y. How do we get and keep the understanding of J-O-Y and what that really means? So, first of all, you might be asking, okay, Renata, I'm an adult, I'm a grown up. Why are you spelling J-O-Y?

0:01:39 - (Renada): And I'm not just saying joy. So for this, I have a reason. Because J-O-Y is an acronym. And it's an acronym that I learned from a real, true space in my own life in a very trying season that happened in October 2021. And this is what the Lord taught me. And it means just own you. J-O-Y Just own you. And we all have some idea of what joy is or the desire for ourselves, of what joy will look like or what it should feel like or what it should be for us, right?

0:02:27 - (Renada): In every season of our lives, in every season, there's something new that is required of us in order to have joy and in order to have the ability to just own ourselves, just own what we are responsible for so that we get to exist in a space that is peaceful, that is productive, and that is pleasant. So in order to have peace, pleasantness, and productivity, we also have to ensure that we are free from the stresses and struggles of trying to be and do all of the things to all of the people in all of the places, right?

0:03:20 - (Renada): So think about your day. Think about all of the responsibilities that you have, all of the things that you juggle in a day. And it doesn't matter if you're stay home, mom. It doesn't matter if you're a part time employee. It doesn't matter if you're a student. It doesn't matter if you're a full time employee. It doesn't matter if you're retired. We all have demands, complexities, and desires in each day, and they can drive us in a direction that is other than where we expected to be.

0:04:08 - (Renada): We've all been there, right? Your morning starts off great. Your day is going really well. You're all smiles, feeling really light and then boom, out of nowhere. And for what seems to be no reason, absolutely no reason, somebody comes with some type of foolishness or somebody decides, you know what? I'm sipping on stupid today. Let me go and share that stupid with you. And they invite you to take a sip of stupid from their cup of dumb.

0:04:53 - (Renada): And then you end up in a tangent. You start to feel all the feels and think all the things, and you're like, wait a minute, what is this? And your mind starts racing. Or you find yourself in the midst of chaos or confusion and things start to blur. And now all of a sudden, deadlines that were manageable at one point start to overlap or the tasks that you had to do. You had a great list of prioritizing and all of a sudden they feel overwhelming and burdensome.

0:05:32 - (Renada): Or even it could be that you felt great and energized for the day. And then all of a sudden, after that person comes around, after that situation is done, you feel zapped, like you have zero strength, zero energy, like you just can't and you're left on e. How do we get here? How is that even a thing? This is the J-O-Y gap. And the J-O-Y gap, that joy gap is where the things that you know, the things that you have and the things that you rightly know, that you can do right now become so obscured by everything else.

0:06:25 - (Renada): People's expectations, obligation, responsibility, demands all of those in an instant overtake you. Why and how? Well, the Lord tells us about the joy gap, and he even cautions us against letting it take place in our own lives. In Galatians six three through five, we are told about carrying our own load, not being deceived, not deceiving ourselves, right? Testing our own actions, being able to stand back and take pride in what we have done, not comparing ourselves to other people, but carrying our own load.

0:07:36 - (Renada): And when we live in the light of trying to do all of the things, be all of the things for everybody else, that's how we lose the ability to have and hold joy, to be overwhelmed, and no longer possess the ability to just own us. So last year I was working for a nonprofit organization, and we had just relocated back to Texas. And I was brought on to work in a specific role and to help them branch out into a new endeavor, something that they had not done before in partnership with another organization.

0:08:27 - (Renada): And so I was brought in to do that. So I came in kind of in the it wasn't the middle. It was like right after the start of the project, it had already commenced and there were already conversations that had taken place that I was not a part of. And so they said, okay, Renata, this is your thing. This is your role. These are the requirements by which you'll be evaluated. And this is the final outcome of the project that we're looking for.

0:08:58 - (Renada): This is yours. Okay. So I'd only been there for about a month or so, and things started to feel very overwhelming, very overwhelming. And it could have been the novelty of the situation, the fact that this was a new space. So there was no template, there was no format, there was no real guide. Like, all of this was being birthed through me, in me, and then put on record, on paper, on digital versions, all of it.

0:09:38 - (Renada): So it was a lot. It was mentally taxing. Not draining, just taxing, because I try to be really intentional about how I use my words, whether written or verbally communicated. So within this month, I was starting to ask questions of people who were in positions higher than myself, people who were in rooms where conversations were taking place that I was not a part of. And it seemed like the questions never really got answered, like there was an answer adjacent. So I don't really know what exactly to tell you, but this sounds like maybe it could be an answer to your question, but it wasn't.

0:10:30 - (Renada): And everything started to become gray, and that was a challenge for me, on top of the fact that we had just relocated back to Texas and the time zone had changed. So we lost 5 hours and we came back in the fall. So it was a season differential. There was a lot internally and externally. Right. And I started to get frustrated, borderline resentful, because in my mind, I'm thinking, oh, my gosh, we just moved across the ocean to be here, and nobody knows anything.

0:11:15 - (Renada): Lord, if nobody knew anything, I could have stayed where I was and had clarity and insight and ocean and beach and peace and why? Why did we come to here? I don't want to be here. Should we go back, Lord? Did we make the wrong decision? Did I not hear you when I thought I heard you? Is this a trick? Is this a test? You don't trick people, Lord. That's not who you are. Okay, so then I had to pull myself out of my emotions because feelings are fleeting, so I had to step out of those feelings. And then I asked the Lord a real question.

0:12:01 - (Renada): Is there something that I am missing? What am I missing, Lord? And his answer to my question was a question. Why do you think you're missing something? Why are you frustrated? I said, okay, I didn't expect you to answer my question with a question. So maybe that means I need to be still. And that's what I did. I sat with the question because I knew that that meant I needed to check in with myself. And sometimes that's the truth. Sometimes you need to check in with yourself to really gauge, okay, what is going on?

0:12:49 - (Renada): What's happening? Right now. So I did an internal gauge and an external gauge. So I looked at where most of my time and energy were going and what was happening around me and I realized that internally I was not being present for myself. I had stopped starting my day with intention because when I woke up, the time seemed to have already flown by before I even woke up. And that was at losing 5 hours.

0:13:30 - (Renada): And I wasn't going to sleep in a timely manner to ensure that I was getting enough rest. Right. All of these changes in this season right now require more time. So I give myself less time for sleep so that I can do more things during the day. That's faulty thinking because you need sleep, your brain needs that good rest in order to function in reality. So I knew that that was something that I needed to change.

0:14:01 - (Renada): Okay, internal check. Got it. External check. That was me recognizing where my energy and resources and time were going outside of myself. And that was when I realized that externally I was allowing myself to be pulled into the habit of crossing the work life timeline. So yeah, I'm supposed to get off at five, but because I feel like I'm starting the day behind already, I'm allowing myself to work longer than what I should.

0:14:35 - (Renada): I'm not actually putting work away, it's never leaving my mind. So I'm always trying to figure out how to do the next thing, stay a step ahead so that I can do all of the roles of this project, complete all of these tasks before I'm even expected to. Why? So that I can prove and protect my name in this new space where nobody actually knows me. And so that was my external check. Why does that matter?

0:15:11 - (Renada): Why am I trying to do other people's jobs, things that I wasn't even hired to do? All because I thought that I had to gatekeep and protect my reputation. And that's going back to those factors, experiences and encounters, those negative experiences that now we use as motivation. Why? Because I had been misrepresented in a work environment before and I wanted to make sure that it didn't happen again.

0:15:46 - (Renada): My work and efforts had been ascribed to somebody else before and I wanted to make sure that that didn't happen again. So not only was I setting boundaries, but I was multiplying boundaries on top of where there were already boundaries and then ignoring some of the ones that I had established. So I was setting a boundary and then undoing it by not honoring what I had intended. It was a whole thing.

0:16:13 - (Renada): And I'm so thankful that the Lord asked me that question because had I not stopped to check in with myself, I would have kept moving in that direction. So after I decided, okay, here's my check in, here's the reality. Internal and external gauging. The Lord showed me that I was not owning myself my own load. And that's why I didn't have joy and that's why I couldn't just own myself and be present in the moments of a new season to appreciate where we were, to appreciate the progress, to step back and celebrate the wins.

0:16:58 - (Renada): And there were wins to celebrate. And because I was so busy trying to be and do all the things I was missing the blessings that hits. And I'm sure I'm not the only one, because sometimes we don't even give ourselves the chance to celebrate the season that we're in, to step back, look behind us and see all of the progress that we've made. But we all deserve that. And it was such a freeing understanding to know that all I had to do every day was just own me.

0:17:50 - (Renada): I didn't have to do other people's jobs or be anybody other than who I was fully. For me, my work will stand for itself because I'm sowing intentional time and energy. And so I will reap the good of that. I am giving myself intentional time to get good rest and I will reap the good of that. I am reflecting my values on purpose and I will reap the good of that. So let's go back galatians six three through five.

0:18:33 - (Renada): So it says that if anybody thinks that they are something when they're actually not, they're deceiving themselves. So we've been there before, right? You imagine you envision yourself as this thing without actually stopping to see. Can you be that? Do you possess the desire, the motivation, the capacity, the intention to be that thing? Or is it misaligned with who you are? So you're deceiving yourself.

0:19:09 - (Renada): You are not the boss of the company and the company does not belong to you, but are you moving and acting like you are the boss, like it is your company? My sister used to say that and she worked in the food and beverage industry for years. She was a general manager and she used to get really frustrated when she would go to restaurants or stores and people would act like they personally backed and financed and owned the store or restaurant.

0:19:45 - (Renada): So they didn't come with the right energy for service because they had some sense of entitlement or some sense of looking at somebody else as if they weren't worthy. Her biggest issue was when people would run after people who didn't pay their check. It's not coming out of your paycheck, and if it is, it shouldn't be because there's insurance for that, there's coverage for that. Why, as an employee who doesn't own this company, do you feel it necessary to run after somebody else?

0:20:28 - (Renada): I used to laugh when she would get frustrated and her commentary about situations like that. And then when you step back and you think about it, you're like, yeah, I don't have to do and be all things to all people. That is not my job. As an employee, I'm going to run after a person who didn't pay their check and put my own life in danger over a meal. That's where you get the entitled thinking, where you have to manage the space for everybody or you have to say the thing for everybody.

0:21:11 - (Renada): No, just own you. Just own you. And it was so interesting because when I was taking on all of these roles and trying to gatekeep all of these responsibilities that were not mine, not only was I not the CEO of the organization, but I wasn't the project manager officially. Why am I doing all of these things that I'm not even being paid to do? And I wasn't hired for, you know what? Let me step back and just own myself because other people's expectations are not my responsibility.

0:21:53 - (Renada): We all signed an employment agreement that defined what our jobs were. So let me not do anybody else's job, because the truth is, I'm not getting paid to do other people's responsibilities, just mine. Understood? And it was so freeing, because when you stop deceiving yourself, you free yourself to be yourself. And then in verse four, it says each person should test their own actions so that they can take pride in themselves, by themselves, without comparing themselves to anyone else. And we had our kids learn this verse when they were in elementary school because comparison is the thief of joy.

0:22:44 - (Renada): When you start comparing what you're doing to other people's things, you instantaneously stop just owning yourself. And now you're looking to try to own other people's stuff too. Well, why don't I have that? Why don't I get to do that? I could have done that better. I could have been better at that. I could have said that better. It would have been better if they had asked me to help. Why? You don't think you have enough to do?

0:23:13 - (Renada): You don't think that what you're also doing is valuable and important. You deserve to feel valued and important. So where can you better direct your own energy and your own time to mind your own business? Mind it too. Don't just mind it. Don't just let it be on your mind, but actually be working to mind your business, to dig out. Go in there, find the places within yourself where you can pull out your own greatness, because you deserve that.

0:23:51 - (Renada): Because each one of us should carry our own load. You have a load for today. There is a group, a set of tasks, responsibilities that you have for today. And if you direct your best energy, your best efforts, your best resources in that direction, you will be blessed tomorrow for what you sowed today. And y'all, these are I'm going to share with you all true statements. So october 25, 2021. This was the lesson that the Lord brought to me.

0:24:33 - (Renada): This was the understanding that he wanted me to have as I was in this new season in this new position, in this new place so that I could just own myself. So it started with the three areas where he intends for us to see and receive joy. So those three areas are what we know, what we have and what we can do right now. And those areas were literally what he had me write down. So I'm going to read to you from my note in any season. The only thing I can do is what I can do.

0:25:18 - (Renada): Focusing on what I am responsible and accountable for requires my concentrated energy and effort on the tasks assigned to me. Setting time and boundaries to maintain balance and peace, establishing goals that reflect my energy and intention, taking inventory of what I know, what I have and what I can do right now. And so then I broke it up into areas. So what I know I serve a God who is the Almighty, who is a provider and whose timing is perfect to accomplish his will.

0:25:55 - (Renada): What I also know I am a talented and capable writer. I have been empowered and gifted to be an educator and there isn't anything I can't teach or write another one. No effort exacted rightly goes unrewarded. I must sow and I must sow rightly so that I can continue to eat the good of my lips and my energy. So what I am saying and what I am doing, both have to be right. What I have I have a Father in heaven who loves me and who is a watchful, advocate, friend and lover of my soul.

0:26:39 - (Renada): I have an amazing husband and children. I have been blessed to have two children who see me for who I am and love me and who I get to pour into. And I have a wonderfully, loving and patient husband who means the world to me and loves the best in me and works hard to support and provide for me. I have a job that is meaningful and impactful to my community, that allows me to help my husband and demonstrate my abilities because I deserve that.

0:27:10 - (Renada): What I can do right now I can do my job to the best of my ability to meet my goals and objectives. I can find a way to help ensure that both of my children receive sound guidance and instruction and get what they need. I can set meaningful goals and continue to pour into myself. Those were some of the things that I wrote and I'm going to find a way to link that along with this podcast so that you can take that same inventory. Because when I did that, I understood that as long as I gave myself intentional energy and I didn't deceive myself by believing that I had the capacity to manage all things, I was able to just own myself.

0:28:10 - (Renada): I didn't have to be the designated knower of anything outside of me or my abilities. Wasn't my job. I didn't have to. So I started working within the guides of my job description, sticking to the project timeline that had been established. And if it wasn't there, it wasn't for me. If it's not according to my job description, I'm sorry, I can't do that. That is not my job. I can direct you to the person above me who is responsible for gatekeeping and filtering all of these other things that are not my job.

0:28:56 - (Renada): And I'm not going to start a habit now that I'm not going to be willing to accept later. I'm not going to accept something now that I don't want to be the recipient of later. I deserve that. You deserve that. And that's regardless of the setting, whether it's at home, whether it's at school, whether it's at work, in order to just own yourself, you have to know what it is that you have, what you know and what you can do right now.

0:29:29 - (Renada): If you have trouble setting boundaries, those are the best places to start setting boundaries. Because if you stop and say, this is what I know, then anything outside of what you know, you can't do what you have. Anything outside of what you have, you can't do. What you can do right now. Anything outside of what you can do right now, you can't do. And so when you put that on record and you establish that as a place of where you're starting boundaries to honor yourself, there is freedom in that, and the Lord will start. And what he did for me was he started highlighting areas for revelation and simplification, this is where you need to let this go.

0:30:26 - (Renada): Simplify. This is what you need to understand about this person and how they move, or this is what you need to understand about this area and the expectation, where you can take off the expectation and just operate and stand in your strengths, the gifts and the understanding that I have given you that you possess fully and completely. And it was through that process that I learned that the organization that I was working with did not align with my values, because they were saying one thing and doing another, and they didn't desire to see or honor who I was.

0:31:18 - (Renada): There was an issue with building the right community around everyone, not isolating, not diminishing the progress of people because we're all working together. And I did not want to be a part of an organization like that. So the Lord showed me how to move forward for me when I just owned myself. Now, had I not been willing to engage in that process, I could have ended up with an organization being stuck in a position and in a role and wondering why I can't move up.

0:31:58 - (Renada): Why am I not being recognized and acknowledged for what I am doing? Why do I feel the need to take on more than what I am responsible for? What am I trying to prove that I'm worthy. Well, I don't have to prove my worth. My value is inherent in what I produce because I am being intentional about where I'm sowing. So I know the fruit will follow that's what I'm producing, it speaks for itself, and I'm not obligated to anybody's expectations.

0:32:36 - (Renada): So let's stop and let's check that. Let's self check. Do you have joy in this season? Are you just owning yourself? Or are there places where what you wanted or intended isn't what you're getting and receiving right now, and it's leaving you feeling frustrated, resentful, overwhelmed? And how can you stop to check in with yourself? Have you stopped to check in with yourself this week, today? And if not, where can you make the time to where can you make time to fully evaluate what you know, what you have, and what you can do right now?

0:33:45 - (Renada): Because the truth is, you deserve to have joy. And just owning yourself is the only way to have joy. In scripture, joy and peace are named together over and over. They are companions. And it is because when you have joy, you have peace. When you've given yourself the fullness of your own time and attention so that you can understand for your own knowledge and awareness, what is your load, what are you responsible for? And test your actions, making sure that your actions are lining up with what you know is your load.

0:34:39 - (Renada): And you're being diligent about minding and tending to your own load, your own business. And you aren't comparing yourself with other people. You aren't allowing people's expectations to become what you agree to. That's how you get peace. That's how you have pride in a job well done, in what you've accomplished. I wanted to give you a moment to breathe that in and let it settle. Because my challenge to you this week or this weekend is to take a moment and inventory what you know, what you have, and what you can do right now to direct your time and your energy in a way that builds and blesses you and then the people around you.

0:35:49 - (Renada): Because you need to give yourself the good that you deserve. That's what it's all about, is getting good and sharing good with others. I think that you'll be surprised by how free and at peace you become when you do that. Internal and external inventory engage. And then you use that to say, okay, this is what I know, this is what I have, and this is what I can do right now. And let everything else that is outside of that be simplified.

0:36:35 - (Renada): You deserve it. So make your moments matter today and give yourself the goodness so that you can live in the light of truth. Don't forget to take into tomorrow the lessons of today. Be gracious, be patient, and be loving to yourself. And know that I am here celebrating you for giving yourself these moments, celebrating you for taking the time to acknowledge that you deserve your own good. I am excited for what lies ahead of you because the Lord is faithful.

0:37:22 - (Renada): He loves you, he desires his best for you, that it would pour over every area of your life and that it would be reflected in every blessing in every season. You got this. You deserve it. Walk in that today. Let that pour all over you and resonate and glow you and grow you as you move forward in the rest of this day. May the peace of Yah be yours. We will talk soon. Enjoy your day and I'll talk to you all later.

0:38:11 - (Renada): Bye, y'all. Bye.