Self Advocacy

Renada is a motivational speaker and spiritual health and life coach who specializes in helping individuals find hope and purpose in their lives. Renada combines practical advice with spiritual guidance to empower her clients to live their best lives. Through her work, Renada aims to inspire others to embrace hope and use it as a driving force to create positive change in their lives.

In this episode, Renada discusses the importance of self-advocacy and how it can positively impact our lives. She emphasizes the need to prioritize ourselves and invest time, energy, and resources into our own well-being. Renada shares personal experiences and examples to illustrate the power of self-advocacy and how it can lead to personal growth and fulfillment. She encourages listeners to simplify their lives, set boundaries, and make time for activities that bring them joy and fulfillment.

Key Takeaways:

1. Self-advocacy involves intentionally prioritizing our own needs and investing time and energy into our personal growth.
2. Advocating for ourselves allows us to shine in our strengths and build a fulfilling life.
3. Simplifying our lives and setting boundaries are essential for self-advocacy and maintaining our well-being.
4. Self-advocacy not only benefits ourselves but also inspires and blesses others.
5. Loving our neighbors as ourselves requires us to prioritize self-care and self-advocacy.

If you were blessed by what you heard, share the goodness. Let's connect at https://www.loveworthwork.com

Transcript

0:00:06 - (Renada): Hey. Hey. Good day. May this be your blessing and mindset that today was made just for you. Take that in. Let that settle. Because heaven designed this day with you in mind, and today holds everything that you need to be the best version of yourself for yourself to succeed. Let's start the day with some self love, some self worth, and some self work. The work that helps us to settle, helps us to reconcile, helps us to move forward in greatness.

0:01:14 - (Renada): We deserve that. And so that we begin and end the day with the goodness that we deserve. I'm Renada. Welcome. I'm so glad you're here. I'm glad that you are joining into this topic and conversation that we're going to cover today. And what is it going to be? What are we talking about today? We are talking about self advocacy. How do you use your own words, thoughts, and actions to be good to yourself and to others in a way that is right and honorable for you?

0:02:01 - (Renada): So before we start, I know that advocating for ourselves, it can be an iffy topic, an iffy subject matter to Broach, especially because a lot of us have different upbringings. There are cultural traditions, there are societal norms that influence how we come to the world, how we engage every day. And a lot of that stems from faulty thinking around self and how self is supposed to be framed in relation to the world around us, to family, to coworkers, to children, to other people.

0:02:55 - (Renada): But before we start, we're going to take a grounding moment so that we let all of that go, so that we don't approach this topic with any expectations, any burdens. That's not how we want to come to this, because we understand that we're giving ourselves this time in this moment to be good to ourselves. So in this grounding moment, I want you to stop and think about your greatest achievement or accomplishment, something that you did or participated in or created that even now, as you think about it, brings a smile to your face, joy to your heart, or a twinkle to your eye.

0:03:53 - (Renada): And your moment does not have to fit anybody else's mold or expectation. This is about you. What have you done and accomplished that inspires those feelings for you? And it doesn't have to look like anybody else's, anything. So it could be a degree, it could be a promotion on a job, it could be passing a test, starting a new business endeavor, being acknowledged for something that you did at work or something that you created and shared or even becoming a spouse or parent.

0:04:34 - (Renada): Whatever it is for you, get that in your mind. Okay, so now that you're thinking about it and you're probably smiling or you feel that sense of accomplishment and satisfaction well enough in your heart, and you're like, yeah, I did that. I did do that. I was proud of that. Yeah, that was me. Okay. I see me. Yeah. So now that you have it in your mind, I want you to think about what you gave yourself that made that possible.

0:05:12 - (Renada): How much time did you put into your efforts, your goal? What did you commit your energy to? Or how did you remain consistent during the process? Or it could even be where you showed perseverance beyond what you thought you possessed or was even possible for you. All of those answers stem from self advocacy. And advocating for yourself happens any and every time that you intentionally decide that what you need is deserving of your best time and energy.

0:06:02 - (Renada): How do you support and promote the good that guides you towards accomplishing a goal or obtaining something that you've set your heart on? That's self advocacy. And when we are willing and ready to believe that we are deserving of something that we've set our heart on or desire for ourselves to build and bless ourselves and to build and bless those people around us through what we do, what we contribute, what we give, and how we share, self advocacy becomes the central way that we get there.

0:06:50 - (Renada): Well, that doesn't sound like self advocacy, Renata. Why? Why are you saying that? Well, it's because we know that in order to get what we desire or what we want to have, we are required to do or say something specific. So if it's obtaining a degree, you know that there are classes that you have to take that there is a minimum grade that you have to receive in that class in order to get your degree.

0:07:22 - (Renada): If it's a promotion, then you know that there's something specific that you have to do according to your job description or metrics or whatever it is that is used to gauge your performance in order to get a promotion. If it's accomplishing a project, then you know all of the steps that you have to take in order to complete that project, to see it through to completion. Those are specific things we have to do.

0:07:56 - (Renada): And when you do those things and give yourself the opportunity to invest time in that effort, you are advocating for yourself. You are marking out space to demonstrate that you are being intentional towards your goals, your desires. And this is truth that most people have heard of in some form or another. We hear stuff like it's the squeaky will that gets the grease or Closed mouths don't get fed. And the Bible says that the Lord tells us we have not because we ask not.

0:08:40 - (Renada): So all of those are different ways of saying, hey, who's advocating for themselves? Who's saying what they need and then giving themselves the time, the space, the energy, the opportunity and the resources to make that a reality. Yeah. And depending on how you're raised, you encounter and learn self advocacy either by what is demonstrated for you or you don't know that you've learned not to advocate for yourself because it was never demonstrated for you.

0:09:27 - (Renada): And if you've never learned to advocate for yourself, then it's possible that you either found yourself overwhelmed by having to carry responsibilities that seemed like they didn't belong to you, but you knew that it needed to be done, so you were just willing to do it. Or the relationship wasn't healthy, it wasn't good for you. But you felt a sense of obligation to a person, so you stayed there anyway.

0:10:02 - (Renada): Because if you don't do it, who will? So when you don't learn how to advocate for yourself, obligation compels you to do things that don't serve your own good, but tend to serve the good of others and leave you depleted. And if you're depleted, how are you giving good to yourself? You can't. It's not possible. So what does self advocating really look like? And it looks different for everyone, and it looks different based on the season and the stage and the role that you are in.

0:10:55 - (Renada): But most simply, it is the time that you give yourself and the attention that you give yourself. Because our lives are all complex and we have roles we have to exist in. And for some of us, there are titles that we carry and that can make it hard to feel like you have the right to advocate for yourself almost to the point where you don't think that it's the right time. Now is not the right time to be intentional about tending to my needs, about saying what I need, about letting go of these things that are outside of my purview.

0:11:47 - (Renada): And that's a real feeling to have, especially when you are operating based on obligation. Because if you don't do it, who will? But if you're advocating for yourself, you take a step back and instead of being subjective, you become objective and say, yes, that needs to be done. But that's not my strength and that's not where I shine. So I'm not going to take on something that's not mine. I have to focus on this.

0:12:26 - (Renada): Giving my time and attention and energy best to this because it is mine. And where my responsibilities are concerned, I'm going to be intentional. I'm going to be intentional for myself. I'm going to be intentional to myself so that when the day comes to an end, I can look and see, okay, time was well spent, resources well used, energy well invested. I'm satisfied with what I did. And I know that people took away an understanding that was reflective of my truth.

0:13:17 - (Renada): So I know that we can all relate in some form or another to this. Because when the pandemic hit, there was a lot going on already. And for me personally and my family, we were in a season of new new everything. We had just moved to a new state. My husband had just started a new job. Our kids were entering into a new space of going from home school to public school. And then out of nowhere, the whole world was like, ha, switch.

0:13:56 - (Renada): Change. Everything that you ever knew is no longer true. And that was an interesting space to be in, especially being literally thousands of miles from the only place that we had ever called home. And it started to feel real shaky and uncertain. And I could feel the angst trying to settle in into not just my mind, but I could see it manifesting in our home every day. It was something new. It was so uncertain. Everything was so unsure.

0:14:41 - (Renada): And it almost got to the point where I started to feel like, oh, I don't want to be here. I don't want to be in this space. This does not feel good. This does not feel right. And then I started to feel the nudge of the Holy Spirit saying to pay attention to how I was using my time. Was I watching the news too much? Yep. Was I spending too much time coming up with a plan to address potential possibilities that would probably never happen?

0:15:25 - (Renada): Yeah, because that was my mom brain. My mom brain was like, secure the kids. And I wasn't paying attention to myself. I was not giving myself the time, the energy, or the resources that I needed to be whole. And if I'm not whole, then I create an unstable environment for nurturing my children and for wifing to my husband. So I understood I have to be good to myself first, because if I don't have goodness to give, nobody else is going to get it.

0:16:09 - (Renada): So then I started focusing on the truths of the situation, what was true and real about the situation that we found ourselves in, and grounding myself in that. And the more that I started to refocus on what was true and ensuring that I was giving myself what I needed, the more it became easier to not feel like I was losing my mind. And so that's what I started doing. So I started ensuring that I modeled self advocacy. I modeled giving myself time.

0:16:53 - (Renada): And then eventually it caught on, and my husband and my kids were doing the same thing. And during the pandemic, we challenged ourselves and we were giving real intentional time to ourselves. We learned new instruments. My son and I learned how to play the ukulele, and my husband and daughter were practicing the keyboard. We took long walks. We took long walks in the neighborhood. We would just walk and walk.

0:17:28 - (Renada): And then I was really inspired by just we were in Hawaii at the time. I was inspired by the elements of nature around us. It was really a beautiful place and space that we found ourselves in. And I'm grateful for that because I was able to find new ways to direct my energy into something productive and fruitful. I started sunbathing. I would just go outside and stand in the sun, start my day standing in the sun, arms outstretched, and just letting the sun pour over me.

0:18:08 - (Renada): Didn't really realize at the time that that was a way of therapy and really getting vitamin D in a way that I had never done before. Y'all, I learned how to garden. I thought that I could not grow things, but I grew things. I grew watermelon and squash and okra and cucumbers and we got to eat them. It was very not only grounding, but it was very rewarding to see I am directing my time in this way and there is actual literal fruit of my efforts and energy that was new for me, that was so validating.

0:19:02 - (Renada): And I think, honestly, the way that we went about handling the pandemic is not the only reason, but one of the only reasons that we have the connection to our kids today that we do. Because we tried to give them intentional time and they saw that it was captured and received and they understand how to model it for themselves. Is it perfect? No. I mean, they're children, they're teenagers, so they'll get there, but it's been modeled and they'll learn from that, they'll grow from that.

0:19:41 - (Renada): So you say, okay, well, great story. Why does self advocating even matter? I have all of this stuff to do, I don't have time, I don't have time. Well, really, you do and you need to, because the major purpose of self advocating is ensuring that you have the opportunity to shine and stand in your strengths. And if you are pulled a bunch of different directions because you're not advocating for yourself, how strong are you being?

0:20:15 - (Renada): Because we can think that we're strong. We take on all of these things because we feel like we have something to prove. We take on all of these things and then we look around and we're tired. And if you're tired, you don't feel very strong. And most of the time you don't look very strong. So it's an odd construct that we create for ourselves. And when you decide that I am going to set time aside for myself to learn this or to build this or to do this, and I'm going to be consistent and committed in setting boundaries that reflect that I'm giving myself this time and I'm going to give real energy to this.

0:21:16 - (Renada): You are essentially coming into agreement that you understand how valuable your time, your energy, your gifts, your strengths are you're saying and acknowledging with your time that you understand that this is important, this is valuable, this is essential, and it matters. It's a lot like the parable that Jesus told about the people with the talents in Matthew 25. And in Matthew 25 verses, it's a few verses. I think it's like 14 to 30, don't quote me, but Matthew 25.

0:22:02 - (Renada): So he says that there was an overseer or master who was handing out talents to people, his servants, his workers. He handed them talents and then he left and he told them to use those talents wisely. And when he came back, he wanted a report of how the time, talents, gifts had been used. And two of the men had multiplied their talents and one of them just held the talent, didn't do anything with it.

0:22:42 - (Renada): And the ones who multiplied the talents were the ones who had invested time in themselves, energy in themselves to sow into what they believed they were worthy of. Because it takes time, energy and intention to multiply anything, whether you're investing, whether you're growing, whether you're storing that's time, energy and resources. And they were rewarded with more. And the reward was not only physical but it was the mental, spiritual and emotional affirmation of who they were and how they chose to shine in their strengths by advocating for themselves.

0:23:38 - (Renada): I believe that I am worthy of this and that this is possible for me. So I am going to go out and invest time, energy and resources in myself to make this my reality because I believe that I can. And I know that if I give myself the opportunity to stand and shine in my strength, this will be. And the beauty of the whole story is that when you invest in yourself by carving out the space to say what you need and giving yourself time to build and shine, the way that you're rewarded isn't just for you but it also blesses other people.

0:24:26 - (Renada): Either because they now understand that what they never knew was possible is possible or because they are the direct recipient of the goodness that you have created or it helps them to see themselves in the light of your shine. It's a lot like how people say to have a mentor or to form relationships with people who have accomplished something that you desire. Not for selfish reasons, but because when you get to see where somebody has used their time, their energy, where they have advocated and carved out a space for themselves to stand in their strength, it is inspirational.

0:25:20 - (Renada): It captures a part of you that says, I can do that. That is possible, I do believe. And because you're shining, they get some of that light and a little bit of that light trickles in and they say, oh, okay, yeah, I'm willing to believe and I'm willing to give myself something better than I did before and not in a burdensome like you're responsible for other people's success kind of way. No. Because you're not responsible for anybody's choices or anybody's greatness.

0:25:59 - (Renada): We are each responsible for that for ourselves, even our children. And that has been I'm still working on that. The Lord is still showing me that I have to give my children the space to fully and completely choose their greatness. That's for another day I'm going to put that away. But when they see me, when they see their dad advocating for ourselves, standing in our strength, shining, they get a little bit of that light, too. It trickles in on them.

0:26:38 - (Renada): And then that's what sparks the understanding that says, I do deserve this. I won't accept less than my best. I don't have to prove myself to anyone, but I have the opportunity to invest time and energy and resources in myself, to build and bless myself and then others. And what I really like about Matthew 25 is there's a verse that says that when they encounter the Master again and he's going over the record of how they use their time and the energy to shine in their strengths and to build and bless themselves.

0:27:30 - (Renada): When he talks to them, he says that because they multiplied their talents, because they were faithful to enter into the joy of what had been set for them to receive enter into their master's joy. And that for me, is just it's a breath to think that when I advocate for myself, when I take the time and space to say what I need and give myself what I need intentionally, there is joy connected to that.

0:28:19 - (Renada): There is joy and satisfaction in a job well done when I accomplish that thing or reach that goal, or finally receive what I set my sights on, because I gave myself the time I invested in myself using my energy and resources. God is he's delighted by that, because it's how you get to be the recipient of what was predestined and prepared for you by a God who is intentional, who sees and knows and values the greatness that he placed on the inside of you and delights in seeing you display that wherever he has planted you. And in whatever season you're in, somebody is going to be blessed by the shine.

0:29:07 - (Renada): When you stand in your strength and that light trickles in on them and they say it's like an AHA moment. Yeah, okay. And they may not say a word to you, but you'll see it that you'll see it in how they interact with you. You'll hear it in how they communicate with you. You'll recognize it in how they switch up, how they come to you, because it's the same as a boundary. Advocating for yourself is setting boundaries.

0:29:44 - (Renada): It's just those internal personal boundaries that other people get to take note of and see through your shine. And it's not because you have to prove anything to anyone. It is because you desire to sow and invest into yourself in a way that builds and blesses you, and that trickles over to other people. And it can be hard to be focused and steadfast in advocating for yourself, because sometimes you think about, oh, well, how are people going to view me if I say no to them?

0:30:28 - (Renada): Will they think that, I'm mean, if I reinforce this boundary by saying, I'm not going to this thing or I'm not going to obligate myself to this, or I'm not taking on these responsibilities. Are they going to think I'm mean, are they going to think I'm rude? Maybe they had an expectation of you that they wanted you to agree with because essentially an expectation trying to live up to an expectation is saying, yes, I agree that what you think of me should also be what I think of myself.

0:31:04 - (Renada): But does that make sense? No, it doesn't make sense. So I am not wearing other people's expectations. Other people's expectations are not my problem. They are not my concern, and they are not my burden. Let's breathe that out. Who. Release that other people's expectations are not your concern. They are not your problem. They are not your burden to bear. They are not your job to manage. Breathe it in.

0:31:47 - (Renada): Let it settle. Well, how is that true, Renata? I'm a parent. Yeah, you are a parent. But if you're a parent, that does not mean that anybody's expectation of you has to be your reality as a parent. That means that you should be serving the good of your children, being responsive to where they are, recognizing their level of maturity, seeing the good in them, supporting and coming alongside to strengthen them and encourage them.

0:32:30 - (Renada): But it doesn't mean that you have to sign them up for 55 million things and divide your time across county lines, city lines, state lines, go into debt over funding their new found passions. No, it means you reasonably and with intention, direct your energy where you can without neglecting yourself. And it's the same for being a spouse. It's the same for being a boss, a supervisor, a director. It's all the same.

0:33:21 - (Renada): You cannot neglect yourself to meet other people's expectations. That's not your job. That's not your purpose. And when we let the fear of how people will see us, what they will think of us, grip us and silence or create conflict within us that keeps us from advocating for ourselves. It's the same as the one man with the one talent who did nothing with it and then tried to blame it on the Master project.

0:34:10 - (Renada): When people project their expectations on you and try to use that as a way to grip you and silence you from advocating for yourself, how is that being honorable to yourself? How is that reflecting the strength that you know you're supposed to stand and shine in? It's not possible, because the reality and the truth is that your time, your energy, your resources, and your good matter, and if you aren't using them to bless and build yourself, then you're not honoring yourself.

0:34:56 - (Renada): And this is one of those things where I really struggled for this growing up in the church, is that you have to love your neighbors as you love yourself. That's a common statement that people make. Love your neighbor as you love yourself. Do for your neighbor, give to your neighbor, put other people above yourself. That is not what that verse means. As is the condition of fact. Love your neighbor as you love yourself.

0:35:28 - (Renada): As is a condition of fact. If I am giving time to myself, if I am investing purposefully in myself, building and blessing myself, then I shouldn't have any issue doing it for somebody else. That's as. But if you are not investing time in yourself, giving to yourself, building and blessing others, building and blessing yourself, you don't have that to give to others. Love your neighbor, love your children, love your family, love your spouse as you love yourself.

0:36:15 - (Renada): The condition of fact is that you were created and made to be good to yourself, to advocate for yourself. And I'm not saying cancel everybody and everything and throw it all away. No, that's not what I'm saying. I'm saying take a step back and simplify. Where can you simplify? Because simplification is a blessing and it helps you to walk in clarity and in truth. I'm giving too much here to this thing and not enough to myself.

0:36:56 - (Renada): I am using resources more here than what I'm managing and using wisely for myself. I don't have any energy left at the end of the day because I'm spending it all here and I don't have any left for myself. And then you simplify, you cancel out. It's algebra. My children have this new saying that I kind of like. I haven't told them that I like it yet, but it is pimdas says no. And that's based on the order of operations for algebraic equations.

0:37:31 - (Renada): And I like it because Pimdas has rules. Pimdas has limitations and restrictions on how you can do things in order to get the right answer. And if you don't do those things, then the answer is wrong. So Pimdas says no. It's kind of cute. What do you think? Tell me about it. Let us sit anyway. But that's how you bring joy to yourself, is by simplifying. Simplifying for your own good in a way that will bring you joy.

0:38:10 - (Renada): So let's self check. Take a minute. Deep breaths. What can you do today to start advocating for yourself? Is there something that you intended to do or to learn or discover that you've put off because you kept saying you don't have the time or you didn't give yourself the time? And when you look over and take stock of all of your energy and resources and time, are you last on the list? Can you see where you're investing in everybody and everything else and not in yourself?

0:39:06 - (Renada): And if that's the case, then it's time to simplify because you deserve to advocate for yourself. Point blank, period. You deserve to have what you need to be great and to get the goodness that you deserve today and every day. And that's self advocacy and making time for yourself is critical to your own good. So today you can start small. You can set a timer on your phone for 20 minutes, and you just take that 20 minutes and you do something that you've been saying you were going to do. Even if it's just 20 minutes, that's still sowing into yourself and building yourself.

0:39:56 - (Renada): And if that's I don't ever take time to just sit and breathe. I don't ever take time to sit and stand, to walk or stand or sit in the sun. I don't take walks. And I would love to do that. Take a 20 minutes walk. I've been meaning to practice breathing. Take 20 minutes and breathe. I would love to just give myself a moment to just sit and be quiet. Then just give yourself a moment to sit and be quiet.

0:40:32 - (Renada): No distractions, no interruptions. That's fine. If it's I've been meaning to go to bed earlier. So you put work away and you don't let it consume your energy and time in the evening so that you can get to bed on time, then do that. Or if you have been meaning to release some responsibilities, maybe you signed up for something or you volunteered something, or you were volunteered to do something because it's not really your responsibility, but somehow it became yours, and you need to release it.

0:41:09 - (Renada): Do that and don't take it back. Don't take it back. Give it and leave it. Move forward, because you deserve to have your time and energy honored. And I'm so proud of you. I'm so proud of you for the resolve. I'm so proud of you for saying, you know what? I am going to advocate for myself. I am going to carve out time and space, to use my energy, to use my resources so that I can stand in my strengths and shine.

0:41:49 - (Renada): Yeah, I do deserve that. Yes, you do. I agree. So make your moments matter today. Give yourself the goodness you deserve to live in the light of truth. And don't forget to take into tomorrow the lessons of today. Be gracious, be patient, and be loving to yourself. You got this. I am here praying and encouraging and supporting and wishing the very best for you. You are a champion. You do deserve your own good.

0:42:33 - (Renada): May the peace of yah be yours today. And we'll talk soon. You take care. Bye, y'all.