Self Truthing

Renada is a motivational speaker and life coach who specializes in helping individuals discover their true selves and live authentically. Renada has dedicated her career to empowering others to embrace their uniqueness and find fulfillment in their lives. Through her engaging and relatable approach, she has inspired countless individuals to prioritize self-love, self-worth, and self-work. 

In this episode, Renada explores the concept of self-truthing and its importance in living a fulfilled and authentic life. She defines self-truthing as recognizing the core aspects of oneself that guide how we navigate the world and stay grounded in our true identity. Renada emphasizes the challenges of self-truthing, including the need to be honest with ourselves and vocalize our needs and boundaries. She explains that self-truthing is crucial for maintaining a sense of self and avoiding the pitfalls of allowing others to define who we are. Renada also discusses the significance of evaluating ourselves honestly and aligning our actions with our true values. By self-truthing, we can create habits, set boundaries, and make choices that reflect our authentic selves, leading to a more fulfilling and purposeful life.

Key Takeaways:

• Self-truthing is the process of recognizing and embracing the core aspects of oneself that guide how we navigate the world.
• It is essential to be honest with ourselves and vocalize our needs and boundaries to maintain a sense of self.
• Evaluating ourselves honestly allows us to align our actions with our true values and avoid being defined by others.
• Self-truthing helps us create habits, set boundaries, and make choices that reflect our authentic selves.
• Prioritizing self-truthing leads to a more fulfilling and purposeful life.

If you were blessed by what you heard, share the goodness. Let's connect at https://www.loveworthwork.com

Transcript

0:00:25 - (Renada): Hey, boo. Good day. May this not only be your blessing, but your mindset, because today was made just for you. Take that in for a moment. I know it seems like it can be a lot to say, or even extreme as a notion, but literally, heaven designed. This day with you in mind. Today holds everything you need to be the best version of yourself and to succeed. So let's start the day with some self love, with some self worth, and a little bit of self work, so that you begin and end this day with the goodness that you absolutely deserve.

0:01:14 - (Renada): Sounds good to me. Hopefully to you. And that's why you're here. I'm Renata. Let's get into. Okay. Okay. So this morning we're talking about pause for dramatic effect, self truthing. So really, what is self truthing? What does that look like? Why does it matter? Let's talk about it. Let's talk about it. So, self truthing is essentially recognizing the things about you that resonate the most and so deeply that it guides how you move, guides how you navigate in the world.

0:02:00 - (Renada): And it is essentially your position, who you are, and what you bring to the table that doesn't change. Regardless of the people that you interact with, the situations that you come across. Self truthing is what keeps you grounded fully and completely in who you are. You at your ueus, right? And it can be hard. Self truthing can be really hard. We're talking about taking the time to not only be real with ourselves, but real about what we're allowing, what we're accepting.

0:02:41 - (Renada): And how does that influence the outcome of relationships and circumstances and situations? Because it can be really hard when you're in the middle of a situation and you find yourself disenchanted or frustrated with what you're getting. So self truthing is kind of just that little internal meter that says, oh, no, this is not aligned with who I am. I should not have ever started accepting that because that's not reflective of who I want to be, how I envision myself. Right. And sometimes who we see ourselves as can be fully and completely different than what we are conveying to people.

0:03:34 - (Renada): And that is a hard place to be when you recognize that who you have presented yourself to be is different than what you wanted or intended. So self truthing also comes with having to vocalize the reality, the gang of emotions that can make you quickly feel vulnerable in a way that is uncomfortable or bring a level of awareness about people or situations that it's unexpected. And then you have to reconcile that within yourself.

0:04:12 - (Renada): So why does self truthing matter. Self truthing matters. Because the Lord God really tells us to evaluate ourselves honestly. That is a challenge for a lot of us, right? Evaluating yourself honestly, how do you do that? And why do I need to evaluate myself honestly if I have eyes and ears and I can see what's happening? Well, because sometimes what you perceive is not what's real. It's not the entirety of the situation.

0:04:53 - (Renada): You're just in that moment. Your perception is taking a quick snapshot and trying to decide an entire situation based on a moment. And that can leave you misguided, misinformed. And really, it's kind of dangerous if you think about it. If you're taking one moment in time to decide how you're going to move, how you're going to navigate what the situation means, what if that is just completely the opposite of the rest of the moments?

0:05:33 - (Renada): So how do we overcome this? Especially because if you don't know yourself and you aren't constantly checking in with yourself, it is easy for other people for situations to tell you and then define who you are. And that's like taking that one snapshot and saying, this is me. Well, what if that was the one moment in time where you were the least reflective of yourself? And people, when you give them the impression that they can define who you are because you're not self truthing, they can have an idea or a notion about you that is so far or so outside of who you actually are that you begin to believe it. And then you buy into the hype of other people's ideas of you.

0:06:33 - (Renada): And then you continue to stray away from yourself. And it takes an even longer time for you to come back to you to center yourself in that truth, in that reality of this is me, this is who I am fully and completely. I am deserving of love, I am deserving of respect. I am deserving of goodness. I am deserving of grace. I am deserving of having a voice. I am deserving of being acknowledged. Right? When we let other people define that for us, that moves us.

0:07:08 - (Renada): And when you are moved away from who you are, that's when things get chaotic. That's when things get frustrating. And it's really easy. Especially when you wear all of these hats, parent, spouse, friend, sister, brother, cousin, aunt, uncle. Wearing all of these hats even complicates it more because then you're also having to ensure that you're not moving away from yourself while also being to or for somebody else what you think they need.

0:07:49 - (Renada): Because really, we never really know what other people need. They can vocalize that they can tell us. But we all have a responsibility to be what we need for ourselves first, and then to be what others need. Even as a mom, I'm always working and striving to be for myself first, and then for my children, and be myself first, and then a wife for my husband. And it is hard. It requires constant self truthing, constant.

0:08:33 - (Renada): So to ensure that you don't give up your power, to ensure that you don't give up your voice, to ensure that you don't give up yourself, because we're not called to sacrifice ourselves for the convenience and the comfort of other people. That's nowhere in scripture. That's not an expectation of the Lord God, that is not founded or based in righteousness or truth. Because the truth is, we didn't create our own lives.

0:09:08 - (Renada): The truth is, we were made uniquely and wonderfully to fill a specific space carved out for each of us. And my space doesn't look like anybody else's space. And my essence, my truth, has to be aligned with the truth of heaven only, and not necessarily anybody else's truth. And sometimes that's a hard thing for people to accept that who you are and the truth that you hold, that's rooted and grounded in who you were created to be only has to align with heaven and not anybody else's feelings or expectations or needs, that silence, whisper effect, because that's a really heavy truth to let settle.

0:10:09 - (Renada): And it was something that I had to come to understand, especially because I was a mother before I was a wife. So there were challenges in that. And my son was so important to me. I always tell him he changed my life because before him, I was so lost. I was so focused on everything outside of myself. And carrying him in my body caused me to have to become very introspective, to see within myself what I needed and to give myself that goodness so that I could not only be good to myself first, but then to him.

0:11:07 - (Renada): And I understood that. But it was a complete shift in how I thought about life before becoming a mother. And it's still something that I think about every day. So when I wake up in the morning, it's, let me pray, let me meditate on the word of the Lord, let me sit before I become so bogged down by what this day requires of me. I can't operate that way. Because if I operate that way and I rush to get up and then do and be all of these things, one, how did I honor myself?

0:11:54 - (Renada): How did I take time to center myself? Because if I'm not centered. I can't give anybody else focused time, focused energy, focused attention. I can't give that to myself first and then expect that to show up. If I'm not giving it. If I'm not giving that to myself first, there's no way for it to show up for other people. It will never be genuine and sincere. It will be contrived. It will be forced. And when it's contrived and forced, that's when you get through the day and you're like, oh, my gosh, where did my time go? Where did my energy go? Where did my attention go? Where did my joy go?

0:12:44 - (Renada): And then you end up feeling a little bit upset, maybe resentful. But really, it doesn't have to be that way. Not if you're self truthing. If you're self truthing, then you're waking up in the morning and saying, okay, I know that I have to wake up by this time because I need to do these things for myself in the morning before I start operating according to the needs of others. And I'm not. Listen to what I'm saying. I'm saying needs, not expectations. Because people can expect you to do or be any number of things.

0:13:24 - (Renada): But if that falls outside of who you were made to be, if that falls outside of what you know is good for you, what you can provide and give righteously out of your time, out of your energy, and out of your own resources, if somebody's expectations of you is outside of that, then it doesn't matter what they expect because you can't give it to them anyway. You are only responsible for meeting your needs first and then the needs of others because you cannot give what you do not have.

0:14:11 - (Renada): You it. Because the truth is, if you have it, you're willing to share it. But if you don't have it, what are you going to share? So that's how you self truth towards steering your day for your own good. What do I have in this moment based on what I need? Do I have the time to give myself? If not, I need to make the time. I need to make time for myself in this day. Am I communicating with people in a way that doesn't tear them down, that sets boundaries, that is reflective of love and right thinking?

0:15:16 - (Renada): If I'm not doing that, what do I need? Do I need to step back? Do I need to stop speaking so quickly? Do I need to focus on one thing at a time, one task at a time, so that my communication isn't all over the place? Because that could sometimes be the case when you are trying to multitask and communicate and your brain, I tell my husband, sometimes my brain has lots of tabs open. So I try to bring myself to a space of, okay, let me focus on one subject in this moment, talk about this, communicate about this, so that what I am intending to convey, I'm conveying.

0:16:08 - (Renada): And sometimes self truthing comes by looking at the habits that you've curated for yourself. Because we curate an entire perception, we curate an entire experience, most of the time for ourselves. But sometimes it's the perception that we want other people to take about who we are or the perception of an image that is self serving or self seeking. And when you take a step back and you evaluate those habits and you say, is this a habit that makes sense? Is it long term sustainable? I try to share with my children often about long term sustainability, right. Because you should never start something that you don't intend on continuing.

0:17:09 - (Renada): And you should never accept anything now that you're not okay with later. The habits that we create reveal a lot about what we hold in our hearts and where we have set our sights. So self truthing says, this is not a habit that's long term sustainable. It may require too much energy, and you will not always want to give this that much energy. It may require the use of resources that are outside of your means.

0:17:44 - (Renada): And if that's the case, then you should stop. Let's not feed that habit if it's going to deplete us. Let's not give more energy where we're not going to have enough left for ourselves later. In my mind, I would love to go to the gym every day and give myself an hour long workout and just go, go to attain this perfect image of my body post motherhood, post 30. That's not realistic. I know that I'm not going to do that every day because every day requires a different level of focus and intention for me. And if I have to get children from one place to another, and if I have to make dinner, and if I have to perform my work duties as a part of a contract that I'm doing at the moment, I'm not going to have that kind of energy. And by the middle, to the end of the day, I'm going to find myself tired.

0:18:49 - (Renada): And I know through self truthing, when I get tired, I'm not the nicest person. I am short, I am curt. I find it more challenging to respond in love and with love to the simplest questions, because then my mind is like they already know the answer to this. Why are they asking you this? They're asking you this to ignite a spark in you or to get you frustrated. And it's a lie. I know that these are just questions.

0:19:21 - (Renada): They're just words. They're just words that are being asked of me when I don't have the energy and I don't have the mental space to hold that question. So if I know in self truthing that that is my reality, then maybe I need to have a different morning routine. Maybe my workout, which is what I've realized, comes differently. It comes through stretching. It comes through taking 20 minutes to do a deep, full body stretch, listen to my music, listen to the word, and then just settle into my morning so that my body is awake, my mind is aware, but I'm not fatigued.

0:20:05 - (Renada): The energy that I've used to stretch is sound energy. It's softened energy. It's not go, go, rush, rush, rush. Push yourself hard in ways that aren't necessary, because I also know how my body responds when I work out, and it's not in the same way. But self truthing has helped me to step back and evaluate the habits that I have formed, the communication style that I have elected for myself, and to then determine, okay, where does this need to be refined?

0:20:55 - (Renada): Where does this need to be shifted? How can I better go about this? And that is the important aspect of self truthing, is that it gives you the opportunity to pivot, to make edits, to refine, to simplify, and that's what makes the day easier. That's what makes the time go by in a more intentional way. So that when I look over my day, I can see exactly where I committed my time, where I committed my focus, where I committed my resources.

0:21:39 - (Renada): And I'm not left feeling like I'm lacking or not fully being present in the moment. And as a mom, that was one of the things that I have had the hardest time ensuring that I am always available to be present. Because one of the things that I've learned is that our children understand who the most high is as a reflection of who we choose to be to them. Nobody wants to serve a God who doesn't want to listen to them.

0:22:26 - (Renada): Nobody wants to serve a God who can't show up for them. Nobody wants to serve a God who is harsh to them. Nobody wants to serve a God who can't be gracious. So if I can be those things to my children, they're more inclined to understand the goodness of heaven and to give themselves goodness because they've encountered it through me. And that's what matters. That's where self truthing is the most powerful.

0:23:06 - (Renada): Because through self truthing, you give yourself the opportunity to create habits, to set boundaries that are the most reflective of the goodness you believe you deserve as a person, as a creation that was perfectly and wonderfully made for the sake of heaven. So when you are operating and self truthing for your own good, you set yourself up to not only receive the good that you deserve, but to give it to others, to share it with others once you have it.

0:23:53 - (Renada): And that is so important because the world, situations, circumstances, will tell you, no, you should just give. You should just give it because you have it. And people take and twist scripture, and they take and twist understanding so that we condition ourselves to believe that not only should we not stop and take the time to evaluate ourselves honestly, not only should we not self truth and really gauge ourselves in terms of who we know we are and what we value and what we need to be doing in this season for ourselves first and then for others, but there's not often a regard for the value of giving ourselves goodness.

0:24:58 - (Renada): So let's have a moment for a reality check. Are there places in your life that you know you could be giving yourself better? And what is keeping you from doing that? Are you right now making yourself beholden to other people's expectations? Is that the priority? Is there a perception of you that you're trying to meet that really is outside of you? And that if you were honest with yourself, if you took a moment and you were like, I actually can't even be that person.

0:25:42 - (Renada): I don't possess the mental fortitude, the emotional intelligence, or really the desire to be that person for somebody else's expectation. But what I can be is me. What I can do is stop and take stock of what I have, what I know I can do, and who I am, and operate to the best of my ability in that, and that's it. And that's all. Because when you come to that space where you say, okay, here's me, these are the things I value.

0:26:25 - (Renada): These are the things that I know to be true about myself and not in a wishful, fanciful way, like really, truly being real about who you are and other people will help you self truth. Because when you start trying to be somebody that you are not, they'll be like, hey, why are you acting like that? What's wrong? What happened? Those are the kinds of prompting questions that should make you stop and say, okay, am I being my most genuine self.

0:27:04 - (Renada): Is this the most like me? Or am I trying to live up to a perception that is outside of what I can maintain? Some people say, fake it till you make it. And that's the dumbest advice ever. Because if you are faking it, what you end up making yourself into is crazy. That is crazy making. Because who you are trying to be, who you are faking yourself, as is most of the time, so incompatible to what you know you already possess and can do and are.

0:27:50 - (Renada): And it's also something that my daughter grew to understand about herself. I used to listen to people talk, and their voices would be so light, and they would talk like this, and it seemed like the epitome of peace and goodness. And then here I have this voice that is lower in tone, and it's a little bit deeper and more resounding, and it echoes and it stretches and it grabs people. And sometimes it made me feel uncomfortable because I'm on the shorter side. And it's like this voice doesn't seem to fit who I am.

0:28:32 - (Renada): So I tried that. I tried making my voice like this at school so that it was a cutesy. And then people would be like, what's wrong with you? What happened? Why are you talking like that? And I had to realize I have to be fully and completely myself. Because if I had continued in that way, I would have lost my own voice. The voice that I was created so divinely to have. Why would I do that? To honor someone else's expectations.

0:29:13 - (Renada): No, it's not worth it. That's crazy making. So don't fake it until you make it stop. Inventory yourself. Decide, this is my moment to self truth. What am I doing right now that I'm not happy with? Where am I not getting the results that I thought that I would? What is incompatible about that? Because that space in between, that incompatibility, that's where you get to self truth. That's where you get to set yourself free.

0:29:42 - (Renada): Because self truthing brings a freedom that you only get when you recognize that you're not honoring yourself. So be that for yourself today. Be the good that you know you deserve to yourself today. And if you have allowed some people to have misinformed understanding or where you have allowed people to define who you are, reclaim. Reclaim your time, reclaim your truth, reclaim your essence. And it's not hard. You don't have to go all in and be all aggressive and angry about it. No, it's a simple, I'm sorry I gave you that impression. That was not what I meant to convey actually, I do value my time, so I will be taking a break today.

0:30:32 - (Renada): Actually, I do value my time, so I'm going to make sure that I leave at five today. I'm sorry. I understand that you may be having a hard day, but I never meant to give you the impression that you could speak to me this way. It is much better if we communicate on an even tone and give each other the opportunity to speak. Very simple. I'm sorry. No, I won't be doing that. That's not a part of my job description or that's not what I'm required to do.

0:31:09 - (Renada): So I just want to focus on what I'm tasked to do and do that to the best of my ability. But if I have some additional time, I'll come and talk to you. I'm sorry, I won't be attending that today. I have to honor myself. I have to make sure that I make time for. And you deserve that. You deserve to have the opportunity to say that, to do that, to be that for yourself. And I stand behind you 100%. So just know that if this is new for you, if it's going to be hard for you, if it's going to challenge you and stretch you in ways that you feel uncomfortable with, baby steps are fine.

0:31:57 - (Renada): But take a moment to recapture a truth about yourself that you may have lost or did not want to see before, because maybe you didn't value it as much. And know that I am championing you. I am in your corner saying, you got this, you can do it. You deserve it. Now go get it. Because it's yours. And this day was made for you. You deserve that goodness. Be that goodness to yourself first, and then to others.

0:32:27 - (Renada): And I hope that you join me tomorrow morning or tomorrow afternoon whenever you choose to listen. You got this and you deserve it. So make your moments matter today. Give yourself the goodness you deserve to live in the light of truth. And don't forget to take into tomorrow the lessons of today. Be gracious, be patient, and be loving to yourself because you got this. May the peace of yah, the Lord God almighty be yours.

0:33:12 - (Renada): And we'll talk soon. Bye, boo.